Feeling Helpless - sucks when family lives far away

[Singleton]

Just found out my oldest nephew attempted suicide last night. My sister is all f’d Up over this. Trying to help long distance sucks.

Guess my nephew has had a rough week.
Monday - was dating 2 girls at Oklahoma State all semester. 1 from Dallas (nephew from Dallas) the other Tulsa. Guess Tulsa chick drove to Dallas to surprise nephew and knocked on my sisters door while nephew was out with Dallas girl. Both dumped nephew in front yard of house when they found out what he was doing
Tuesday - found out he pulled a .5 GPA fall semester and was notified he was expelled from school. (After 50 units he has a 1.65 GPA, school requires a 2.0 after 50).
Wednesday - nephew is compared to his step-brother who is 32 and living at home with his mom by his dad (sisters husband)
Thursday am - Tulsa girls parents call and inform my sister and nephew they are hiring a lawyer (you got it, Tulsa girl 2 months pregnant)

Thursday night - nephew drank and took some pills. He was saved, but F, little guy is all messed up.

Not sure what to do, might have him come live with me in January and help him figure out what to do.

Told my sister he has to man up and suppprt his kid. Kids having kids, not good. But before that we need to get him mentally happy again

Really at a lose in what to do

 

[monkeyswrench]

Can't say I've been in your position before...probably closer to the kid's actually. Permanent solutions for temporary problems...something a friend once told me. I don't know how to best snap him out of his funk. Sometimes work may be a better course than school, at least for a bit. A lot of parents will detest the mere thought of dropping out of school. Responsibilities can be great motivators, once you get past the "Life altering" concept. Everyone is different, he needs to find what works for him. As for your sister, you need to be able to be there for her, and not neglect your own household...and that's a tough line to toe.
Good luck. I feel for you...

 

[SBMech]

Man that's terrible.

I hope he pulls through and gets on track, he's way to young to throw his life away over some women and poor performance.

He's going to learn a valuable lesson, one that will stick with him for at least 18 years.....if he mans up. Give him a pep talk, let him know that no matter how at a loss he is right now about what to do, taking himself out is NOT the answer, no will it get him any results he desires. Most attempted and real suicides are to gain attention or a cry for help.

Let him know that life is a LONG ASS TIME, and there is plenty of time for him to learn how to manage this situation, financially and emotionally.

First I would recommend pushing him to gain a better work ethic for one, since his fucking around got his ass in the slinger for both of these issues....literally.

Maybe have a talk man to man with him, since his father seems to be a douche at the minimum, and a moron to boot. He raised the kid....

 

[milkmoney]

Sorry to hear what your sister is going through and the whe family .....
Kid out chasin tail and fucking off in school caught up with him ..

I agree he needs to take care of said baby, but needs to get his head right. You might be his solution ...

Good luck

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[DrunkenSailor]

Damn This sucks. Who finds out their daughter is pregnant and hires a lawyer?

Gotta give him something to look forward to because right now the only thing he has is failure and fear. A change of scenery would probably be good. A job and some prospects would probably be better. He's made some poor choices, what happens next defines who he will be for the rest of his life.

Best of luck to you both.

 

[OldSchoolBoats]

I have never been in your position, but sounds almost identical to what happened to me before getting together with my wife minus the school stuff..........[emoji51][emoji51]

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[monkeyswrench]

Damn This sucks. Who finds out their daughter is pregnant and hires a lawyer?

Gotta give him something to look forward to because right now the only thing he has is failure and fear. A change of scenery would probably be good. A job and some prospects would probably be better. He's made some poor choices, what happens next defines who he will be for the rest of his life.

Best of luck to you both.

Parents of a pissed off girl..."Hell hath no fury..."

One of my buddies found out he had a 13yo boy last year. When he was in Oklahoma, apparently he had been with this girl. The state came after him, my buddy, when she applied for welfare. He had to submit DNA, and was found as the dad. 13 years was a hell of a check to cut. For a kid he didn't know he had.

 

[Ziggy]

Ouch.
Sure hope he can get the help he's going to need..... His world just ran into reality and that's a tough pill to swallow.
Glad he has a awesome uncle who wants to do what he can.

 

[Hullbilly]

Just found out my oldest nephew attempted suicide last night. My sister is all f’d Up over this. Trying to help long distance sucks.

Guess my nephew has had a rough week.
Monday - was dating 2 girls at Oklahoma State all semester. 1 from Dallas (nephew from Dallas) the other Tulsa. Guess Tulsa chick drove to Dallas to surprise nephew and knocked on my sisters door while nephew was out with Dallas girl. Both dumped nephew in front yard of house when they found out what he was doing
Tuesday - found out he pulled a .5 GPA fall semester and was notified he was expelled from school. (After 50 units he has a 1.65 GPA, school requires a 2.0 after 50).
Wednesday - nephew is compared to his step-brother who is 32 and living at home with his mom by his dad (sisters husband)
Thursday am - Tulsa girls parents call and inform my sister and nephew they are hiring a lawyer (you got it, Tulsa girl 2 months pregnant)

Thursday night - nephew drank and took some pills. He was saved, but F, little guy is all messed up.

Not sure what to do, might have him come live with me in January and help him figure out what to do.

Told my sister he has to man up and suppprt his kid. Kids having kids, not good. But before that we need to get him mentally happy again

Really at a lose in what to do

Tough boat to be in, my wife and I have not lived within driving distance of family in over 10 years. It makes things like this super challenging. If it was me I’d start by just talking to the boy.

Good luck.

 

[Singleton]

Tough boat to be in, my wife and I have not lived within driving distance of family in over 10 years. It makes things like this super challenging. If it was me I’d start by just talking to the boy.

Good luck.

Can’t talk to the nephew yet. Hoping I get that chance early next week. He is in the hospital on hold. Sister hopes he gets released tomorrow or before Christmas Eve.

Told my sister she can’t hold herself accountable for all this. Right now it is about making sure 1) nephew is OK, 2) make sure sister realizes this is not all her fault.
Then we will start to processing everything else (school and pregant ex-GF).

My dad and step-mom are hoping a flight to Dallas tonight, so hopefully that helps my sister and starts some healing for my nephew.

 

[rrrr]

Sounds like his parents were supporting a party lifestyle in Stillwell.

I think you're mistaken saying it isn't your sister's fault.

The kid didn't get where he is without parental screwups. The entire family is dysfunctional and they all need to go to therapy and do some soul searching.

If you take him in, it's just going to delay the reckoning. Don't do it.

I think if you look at things honestly, you'll see your sister and brother-in-law need to do a reality check themselves, and the kid needs to get some maturity. He's acting like a nine year old, not someone that's approaching twenty.

They are the textbook definition.

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions.

 

[Singleton]

Thanks everyone for the words. Really needed a place to think out loud and RD’s place is great for that.
Thinking the kid will be all right, his world crashed into reality but it is not that bad compared to some and hopefully he will realize that.

 

[Singleton]

Sounds like his parents were supporting a party lifestyle in Stillwell.

The kid didn't get where he is without parental screwups. The entire family is dysfunctional and they all need to go to therapy and do some soul searching.

If you take him in, it's just going to delay the reckoning. Don't do it.

I think if you look at things honestly, you'll see your sister and brother-in-law need to do a reality check themselves, and the kid needs to get some maturity. He's acting like a nine year old, not someone that's approaching twenty.

They are the textbook definition.

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions.

Were no the same page. 100% agree with you.
Fault is on both nephew and sister.

 

[DLC]

You didn’t say how old nephew is?

You just need to talk to him, & roll it around into life choices.... and a type of man he wants to become.

Doesn’t sound like he was all into school, hope he can swing a hammer!

Meaning get a job!

Sorry your going thru this! I hope things make a big turn for the better....

 

[rrrr]

Brutal honesty sucks, but this is life and death stuff. They all have to get professional help. I know your parent's first impulse is to try to make it all better, but there has to be boundaries. The sister and brother-in-law have to deal with this.

I'm not being a dick. This is the real thing, I know. My beautiful sixteen year old nephew has been in the ground for fourteen months.

 

[King295]

I think @monkeyswrench has a great point with putting school to the side and getting a job which not only be a fast track to learning responsibility but also remove him from the environment where he made this mess. If you are willing to take him in and he is willing, get him a job and make him start living like an adult. If he is an expecting dad he is going to need the money anyways.

I handle a lot of the recruiting from colleges for my firm and it is astonishing how many kids have no idea what they want to do career wise but are pressured into getting a degree by their parents. Even the kids that pick majors (which I am normally dealing) really have no clue what the job they are going to school for entails. They have never met with someone that works in the field to get a true understanding. I always tell them, offer to take a professional out for coffee to pick their brain... it will be the best few bucks you have ever spent.

Really hope your family can come together and help the young guy.

 

[jet496]

Does he drink & do drugs much? Alcohol is a depressant. My son was a shit show like that last year & when he quit that shit, he's as normal as can be.

And, there's really not much effective professional help out there as we found out. Be careful shelling out big bucks when they can get what they need in programs where you only have to donate a dollar in a hat if you want to.

 

[Singleton]

Brutal honesty sucks, but this is life and death stuff. They all have to get professional help. I know your parent's first impulse is to try to make it all better, but there have to be boundaries. The sister and brother-in-law have to deal with this.

I'm not being a dick. This is the real thing, I know. My beautiful sixteen year old nephew has been in the ground for fourteen months.

Thanks for posting that.
If my nephew does come to visit it is only to get tough love from uncle. And only after a Head Dr says that’s OK.

IMO my sister has contributed to this, but telling her that today is not going to occur. That is a next week conversation. She allowed him to live a party lifestyle and funded the fun. IMO, he should of never gone back to school after his first year (GPA showed he was not taking it serious).

Sister and I have very different parenting styles, but getting into that with her today will not help.

 

[monkeyswrench]

You didn’t say how old nephew is?

You just need to talk to him, & roll it around into life choices.... and a type of man he wants to become.

Doesn’t sound like he was all into school, hope he can swing a hammer!

Meaning get a job!

Sorry your going thru this! I hope things make a big turn for the better....

There's nothing wrong with a blue collar 40...or 50 or 60. Honest dollars, honest work.

Sounds like his parents were supporting a party lifestyle in Stillwell.

I think you're mistaken saying it isn't your sister's fault.

The kid didn't get where he is without parental screwups. The entire family is dysfunctional and they all need to go to therapy and do some soul searching.

If you take him in, it's just going to delay the reckoning. Don't do it.

I think if you look at things honestly, you'll see your sister and brother-in-law need to do a reality check themselves, and the kid needs to get some maturity. He's acting like a nine year old, not someone that's approaching twenty.

They are the textbook definition.

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions.

Singleton, is this the kid who's mom paid for ink? I couldn't swear to it, but I remember a thread with Texas and tats not too long ago.

Regardless, the parents need to help, but not handle things. He needs to "Man Up" as you put it. Time for him to go from boy to man. He has to do that on his own. When you have a kid, you should do so without your own parents. They should get to be grandparents, not forced into parental 2.0.

 

[Singleton]

There's nothing wrong with a blue collar 40...or 50 or 60. Honest dollars, honest work.

Singleton, is this the kid who's mom paid for ink? I couldn't swear to it, but I remember a thread with Texas and tats not too long ago.

Regardless, the parents need to help, but not handle things. He needs to "Man Up" as you put it. Time for him to go from boy to man. He has to do that on his own. When you have a kid, you should do so without your own parents. They should get to be grandparents, not forced into parental 2.0.

F your memory is good. Yep, same kid.
IMO the following occurs
1- make sure nephew is mentally OK.
2 - Get him working (he needs to start living and paying his own way).
4 - let him decide if school is right for him
3 - figure out the ex-gf / baby situation

He made a adult decision (getting girl pregnant) so time to work through those consequences.

 

[HBCraig]

The pregnant girls parents also need to respect that there is another person that will be in their life. I have a daughter and wouldn't like it either but treating dad like shit wont help ... respect goes both ways


Working will help him keep his mind busy.

 

[Havasu blue label]

Support the kid and family tell him tomorrow is a different day turned my nieces life around 20 years ago just need some basic family time support

 

[Rondog4405]

Very serious and tragic situation.. Hope he can get his head right.. My family and i went through this with my lil brother 5 years ago.. He was talking about ending his life and attempted a few times with extension cords but my parents stopped him. Scary times.. Had to hide anything that could pass as a rope or that could harm him. We had a huge intervention amd he eventually grew out of that horrible chapter of his life and is 100% better! Works with me everyday. Man.. Glaf those times are behind us

 

[monkeyswrench]

F your memory is good. Yep, same kid.
IMO the following occurs
1- make sure nephew is mentally OK.
2 - Get him working (he needs to start living and paying his own way).
4 - let him decide if school is right for him
3 - figure out the ex-gf / baby situation

He made a adult decision (getting girl pregnant) so time to work through those consequences.

1 and 2 may end up working in conjunction with one another. Getting a paycheck can help with self-esteem. You only reach bottom when you feel you're at the bottom....4 can be figured out, sounds like sitting next semester out was already decided for him. That may be good, spring and summer, stack some money and work some hours. In fall decide what the best course of action is. 3 (you flipped them too) The ex- and the kid. It is way too soon to know what will happen there. They may end up together, they may hate eachother, it may flip-flop for the next 10 years. The baby will be the one constant, between two variables. For the kids sake, I hope the young parents to be move into reality. Growing up sucks, but I wouldn't want to be young again either. Both of them have a long row to hoe. How they start out will really make a difference in the coming years.

 

[sml]

Not trying to come off as heartless here but how does that saying go, if you can’t run with the big dogs.......sounds like he isn’t good at multitasking his college life runnin whores, partying and keeping up with the grades.

i know plenty that it was their way of life and they came out ok (even with kids) and never tried to kill themselves. Although one of my best friends in high school had the text book “great life” had everything he wanted but still swallowed a bullet in his living room at 18 and no one knew why.

Sounds like you are in a position to offer him some time away from his situation to try and help him figure some things out. Maybe get some real world perspective from you about providing for a family. Either way i hope he pulls through.








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[LargeOrangeFont]

Thanks for posting that.
If my nephew does come to visit it is only to get tough love from uncle. And only after a Head Dr says that’s OK.

IMO my sister has contributed to this, but telling her that today is not going to occur. That is a next week conversation. She allowed him to live a party lifestyle and funded the fun. IMO, he should of never gone back to school after his first year (GPA showed he was not taking it serious).

Sister and I have very different parenting styles, but getting into that with her today will not help.

Who says he will even want to hang around with uncle when the gauntlet of rules comes down?

My guess is that is about the time. You’ll get the “I’m an adult and can do what I want!” argument.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

The pregnant girls parents also need to respect that there is another person that will be in their life. I have a daughter and wouldn't like it either but treating dad like shit wont help ... respect goes both ways


Working will help him keep his mind busy.

Yea right. If they have a lawyer already this is not going to go well. They will use the attempted suicide against him and as reason to limit visitation. Plus if he comes to CA, it will be very challenging to do anything but send money to the mother, they will say he is abandoning the kid.

I understand wanting to help, but if he want to be involved with the child at all (he may not) moving out to CA might not be a good idea.

 

[Flyinbowtie]

Singleton he is fortunate to have you in the wings ready to help.
I have seen this a bit before. I think the parents did enable him...how the hell he pulls animal house level grades without Mom and Dad finding out or having the intestinal fortitude to step up and tell them speaks to me that he was, indeed, acting irresponsibility. The suicide attempt indicates he had a real paradigm shift that he wasn't prepared to handle.
But, as others have said...this isn't the end of the world.
My youngest son had a real challenge growing up...he was never even supposed to be able to tie his own shoes. He spent 23 days in a neonatal ICU before they even began talking about him going home. He stunned everyone and did well enough to stay mainstreamed in school and graduated. At that time his long time girlfriend, with whom he thought he was in love dumped him.
He rebounded into arms he should have stayed away from.
A few months later he came to us and told us a long very story that ended with him stating he was going to be a father, and do everything in his power to be a good one.
He was 20.
Today, that girl is 13 years old. She is here tonight will be spending the weekend with us baking Christmas goodies with Nana. He has had full custody of her since she was less than 18 months old. She is poppas' princess....and I still tell her that regularly.
Our son is married, has a very good job and has given us two more grandchildren.
When you get to where you can talk to him and offer yourself and your home as a new beginning for him be honest with him....gentle...but honest.
He needs to know this isn't the end of the world, and may very well turn out to be a motivator for him to see beyond today and plan a bit for tomorrow, while setting himself in motion to be the father his child needs.
Once he begins to move forward and gets rolling is when you will need to watch. You may see a bit of backsliding into the old party self, and that needs to be stomped out quickly. You need to walk a tightrope where he knows you will always be there for him to talk to, that he can bring anything to you and you won't turn your back on him but he must return your trust by building a track record of earning it....not perfection...but earning it.
You will have to work out with your sister and his father how you step into this. That needs to be clear to everyone.
I wish you all the best. The young man isn't a total loss, but he doesn't know that. That is the first thing he has to be convinced to believe.
Small steps forward....one foot after another.

 

[DLC]

There's nothing wrong with a blue collar 40...or 50 or 60. Honest dollars, honest work.

Singleton, is this the kid who's mom paid for ink? I couldn't swear to it, but I remember a thread with Texas and tats not too long ago.

Regardless, the parents need to help, but not handle things. He needs to "Man Up" as you put it. Time for him to go from boy to man. He has to do that on his own. When you have a kid, you should do so without your own parents. They should get to be grandparents, not forced into parental 2.0.

Having a job is responsiblity he needs to learn that , no more free rides. He needs to find HIS name place in the world. There is a lid for every pot

 

[Singleton]

Yea right. If they have a lawyer already this is not going to go well. They will use the attempted suicide against him and as reason to limit visitation. Plus if he comes to CA, it will be very challenging to do anything but send money to the mother, they will say he is abandoning the kid.

I understand wanting to help, but if he want to be involved with the child at all (he may not) moving out to CA might not be a good idea.

He is not moving to CA. If anything he gets a long weekend with uncle, and uncle will give him tough love and the ‘decisions have consequences’ talk that my gut says my sister did not do correctly.

I got involved and talked to parents of pregnant ex-GF this evening. Kind of pissed they played the lawyer card. They stated they are looking for $$ to help daughter through process, etc. In addition they want $$ if daughter decides to keep it, and for my nephew not to challenge if she decides to put the baby up for adaption. I called to ask if she was OK and to make sure she got home from Dallas without issues and all I heard was ‘we want money’. I will get my lawyer buddy on that after the holidays, and work that item so my sister and nephew can have focused conversations on how to get right.

 

[DLC]

Having a lawyer isn’t going to do much if you don’t have much to give... if the gals parents have already hired one then they have money to burn..... if he is over 18.

Sucks to go there right off the bat, as it will cost everyone more dinero and not help the new kiddo....

and every one will have the same rights to see the kid

Just my opinion.

What sucks is kids have already a difficult time finding their way and this situation doesn’t help.....

 

[Hullbilly]

He is not moving to CA. If anything he gets a long weekend with uncle, and uncle will give him tough love and the ‘decisions have consequences’ talk that my gut says my sister did not do correctly.

I got involved and talked to parents of pregnant ex-GF this evening. Kind of pissed they played the lawyer card. They stated they are looking for $$ to help daughter through process, etc. In addition they want $$ if daughter decides to keep it, and for my nephew not to challenge if she decides to put the baby up for adaption. I called to ask if she was OK and to make sure she got home from Dallas without issues and all I heard was ‘we want money’. I will get my lawyer buddy on that after the holidays, and work that item so my sister and nephew can have focused conversations on how to get right.

Such a shame that’s all these people can think about is money....shallow

 

[Singleton]

Such a shame that’s all these people can think about is money....shallow

Yep.
My sister runs a very successful aircraft insurance brokerage firm and these folks knew that. The conversation should of been about their childs health, not about money. As an officer of the brokerage firm, these folks are not going to like we come January.

 

[Hullbilly]

Yep.
My sister runs a very successful aircraft insurance brokerage firm and these folks knew that. The conversation should of been about their childs health, not about money. As an officer of the brokerage firm, these folks are not going to like we come January.

How old are these two kids?

Perhaps getting these kids together to talk things out would be best. The fact that he was playing the field is not a big deal anymore.

They both have some real growing up to do real fast. The fact that they were stupid college kids, is all history now. Life has now become about that baby.

They need to get on the same page, whether it’s together as a couple or as single parents.

I think that letting them get together and work this situation out will have the best outcome. Overbearing parents threating with lawyers etc is just pouring gas on the fire. Be there to offer input and guidance, and most importantly keeping a civil and open dialogue, I believe will be the best way to make sure this baby has the best shot at a happy and loving childhood.

 

[monkeyswrench]

He is not moving to CA. If anything he gets a long weekend with uncle, and uncle will give him tough love and the ‘decisions have consequences’ talk that my gut says my sister did not do correctly.

I got involved and talked to parents of pregnant ex-GF this evening. Kind of pissed they played the lawyer card. They stated they are looking for $$ to help daughter through process, etc. In addition they want $$ if daughter decides to keep it, and for my nephew not to challenge if she decides to put the baby up for adaption. I called to ask if she was OK and to make sure she got home from Dallas without issues and all I heard was ‘we want money’. I will get my lawyer buddy on that after the holidays, and work that item so my sister and nephew can have focused conversations on how to get right.

I'm almost willing to bet the lawyer card was played as either a scare tactic, or because they also have a friend in family law. I would think the money angle isn't for personal gain...kids are pricey. The "we want money" will either come from the parents, or the state. Oklahoma laws are different than Az, that much I know. The legal action is probably more to leverage parental rights, as the parents are probably pushing for adoption.
The girl has means...more to the point, her parents have means. She hopped in her car and made the drive from Tulsa to Dallas...probably to tell her boyfriend they were going to be parents. When I was that age, I didn't own a car that could make that drive. You're getting in balls deep pretty quick. Right now, you only know the "facts" as your sister was told. This is where things get weird. The truth is probably somewhere in between. The two kids, you know damn well, haven't shared everything with each other, with parents...and you're 1300 miles out of the loop. Hope to God this girl was 18 two months ago. I only bring that up because, in theory, my daughter won't be 18 until January of her freshman year...She's not yet 15 and enrolled in college classes as well as H.S.

Also, your nephew didn't know what girls to hustle where...Never screw over the ones with money backing them. They can make your life hell. The girls with less family money, have to work and don't have the free time. I learned a ton about humans in general when I was that age. I didn't stay in college, but received an education nonetheless.

 

[Halvecto]

Wow. This is no simple situation. My heart is heavy for him, your sister, you, the young gal, the new life that is now an outsider and will some day likely bring someone great joy. So many lives affected by bad choices, but also hard & good ones! Yet. People can be resilient, but bad habits and mindsets are hard to break. Once he realizes the hole he has dug himself into, giving up (although hopefully not as extreme) will again be a consideration. You & your sister need to realize this will be a long turnaround. Years, not months.

FWIW ... Being "nice" won't work. More often than not, niceness gets taken advantage of by young men like this, especially with family because we love them as blood and tend to be optimistic to a fault. Actually, he took his Mom's nice "love & support" to college for a free ride. I battled some, not all of this.

Kindness is doing things that will actually help them, no matter what he says or how he may not like it.

Parents, myself included, have too often confused this (nice vs kind). Sounds funny, but I now tell my kids I am not called to be nice to them. I'm their parent, not their buddy. But I will always strive to be kind and loving. God calls me to raise them in love and the admiration of Him.

A few practical recommendations. My .02 cents:
1. Make him pay completely for his own cell phone, preferably not a smartphone. Get him a flip phone. He can't handle even the slightest distraction. Cell phones (social media, web surfing, etc) are like a loaded gun in the hands of immaturity. No matter what they think, they cannot handle it until they prove responsibility. If he wants an iPhone or whatever, buy it himself a new one. Break the old one. Get that old life out.
2. Don't let him kill time on the stupid video games. Fortnite is a black hole for undisciplined boys and will feed his lack of confidence. We will soon, as we already are, see/read that often these interconnected competition type fantasy games wreak havoc on lives.
3. Sounds crazy, if he comes to you. Curfew and required up, dressed and going (even without work pending) times clearly delineated. He needs to get out of a defeated mindset. Help him by forcing some of life's normal processes to get established.
4. If you can get him to do it, find a Men's group, solid church meeting, place where there are intentional older men, good guys who will welcome him and also allow him to grow.
5. Pray. Read. Help him do the things none of his friends are likely doing. The book of Proverbs in the Bible has 31 chapters. Read one each day of the month. Much of it is King Solomon writing to his son about living life wisely.

I will be praying for this. Seriously. I never say that lightly.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

He is not moving to CA. If anything he gets a long weekend with uncle, and uncle will give him tough love and the ‘decisions have consequences’ talk that my gut says my sister did not do correctly.

I got involved and talked to parents of pregnant ex-GF this evening. Kind of pissed they played the lawyer card. They stated they are looking for $$ to help daughter through process, etc. In addition they want $$ if daughter decides to keep it, and for my nephew not to challenge if she decides to put the baby up for adaption. I called to ask if she was OK and to make sure she got home from Dallas without issues and all I heard was ‘we want money’. I will get my lawyer buddy on that after the holidays, and work that item so my sister and nephew can have focused conversations on how to get right.

Gotcha. Yeesh, this will be a fun one.

 

[rrrr]

Such a shame that’s all these people can think about is money....shallow

They seem to be ignoring the fact that was their little princess laying on her back and enjoying fucking the father to be.

 

[HBCraig]

They seem to be ignoring the fact that was their little princess laying on her back and enjoying fucking the father to be.

Yes. The girls parents think a lawyer and a settlement will make that go away...... well, it won't

 

[RitcheyRch]

Sorry to read this. Will send prayers that he can get the help he needs and turn his life around.

 

[h2o225]

The right support from family will help him get over this hurdle. It may not always be what he wants to hear or you.
As for the pregnant girl remember "a girl can run faster with her dress up than a boy with his pants down." Hopefully both of them can talk without a lot of parental input. That may take sometime.
Both will need support not coddling.

 

[Old Texan]

Tough situation and hard to figure an answer unless the kid is onboard with it.

First thing I'd do is take him out of college. Sounds like all that freedom is his downfall. Get him in a gym and get a job would be a good start, but would require commitment from him. So counseling of some sort and even a stint in some sort of place to help get his head straight. Got to make sure he gets the suicide shit well in his wake or nothing is gonna work.

 

[Ouderkirk]

Just found out my oldest nephew attempted suicide last night. My sister is all f’d Up over this. Trying to help long distance sucks.

Guess my nephew has had a rough week.
Monday - was dating 2 girls at Oklahoma State all semester. 1 from Dallas (nephew from Dallas) the other Tulsa. Guess Tulsa chick drove to Dallas to surprise nephew and knocked on my sisters door while nephew was out with Dallas girl. Both dumped nephew in front yard of house when they found out what he was doing
Tuesday - found out he pulled a .5 GPA fall semester and was notified he was expelled from school. (After 50 units he has a 1.65 GPA, school requires a 2.0 after 50).
Wednesday - nephew is compared to his step-brother who is 32 and living at home with his mom by his dad (sisters husband)
Thursday am - Tulsa girls parents call and inform my sister and nephew they are hiring a lawyer (you got it, Tulsa girl 2 months pregnant)

Thursday night - nephew drank and took some pills. He was saved, but F, little guy is all messed up.

Not sure what to do, might have him come live with me in January and help him figure out what to do.

Told my sister he has to man up and suppprt his kid. Kids having kids, not good. But before that we need to get him mentally happy again

Really at a lose in what to do

There is nothing you can do.

Nephew is about to get the second kind of education that has more value. The first kind of education is the kind you get between the ears. The second is the kind you get between a rock and a hard place.

From personal experience that a good dose of the second will cause him to more value the first.

While the suicide attempt, if we are to call it that, is actually the start of the second kind of education that he is going to have to chew through. It’s not going to be easy but he will grow up from it... which it seems he needs to do most urgently.

 

[Singleton]

So nephew got out of hospital Sunday morning. My sister had a family Christmas vacation planned so they left town.

Couple things have occurred today.
1 - nephews educational trust/savings account has been frozen by my dad. My sister had authority to release funds as needed, but my dad replaced her with me today.
2 - nephew has follow-up appointment with a counselor Jan 4 (returns from vacation Jan 3). He is 20, so he will decide if that continues. I hope it does, he needs to get whatever demons he has under control.
3 - I am spending MLK weekend with my nephew informing him what I will authorize payments on from his account. IMO, listed in the order I support; 1) learn a trade, become apprentice and works towards that, 2) join the military, 3) get a job not working for my sister and pay his way while he figures out what to do next, 4) get a job, attend community college and earn his AA degree before transferring to another school to get his BS.
4 - talked to ex-GF parents again today. Told them I can’t control what my nephew does, but right now we need to make sure both kids are healthy physically and emotionally. Left that conversation by telling the parents ‘your 19 (almost 20 yo) daughter needs to decide what she wants to do? I will influence my nephew to do the right thing, but if you involve lawyers it will only cause more pain.

Only time will tell how this all ends, but right now I am only concerned with my nephews health.

 

[Old Texan]

So nephew got out of hospital Sunday morning. My sister had a family Christmas vacation planned so they left town.

Couple things have occurred today.
1 - nephews educational trust/savings account has been frozen by my dad. My sister had authority to release funds as needed, but my dad replaced her with me today.
2 - nephew has follow-up appointment with a counselor Jan 4 (returns from vacation Jan 3). He is 20, so he will decide if that continues. I hope it does, he needs to get whatever demons he has under control.
3 - I am spending MLK weekend with my nephew informing him what I will authorize payments on from his account. IMO, listed in the order I support; 1) learn a trade, become apprentice and works towards that, 2) join the military, 3) get a job not working for my sister and pay his way while he figures out what to do next, 4) get a job, attend community college and earn his AA degree before transferring to another school to get his BS.
4 - talked to ex-GF parents again today. Told them I can’t control what my nephew does, but right now we need to make sure both kids are healthy physically and emotionally. Left that conversation by telling the parents ‘your 19 (almost 20 yo) daughter needs to decide what she wants to do? I will influence my nephew to do the right thing, but if you involve lawyers it will only cause more pain.

Only time will tell how this all ends, but right now I am only concerned with my nephews health.

Damn good plan.....Hope it sticks. Kid can turn it all around if he tries and doesn't feel all sorry for himself. Tough love works wonders.

 

[Ouderkirk]

So nephew got out of hospital Sunday morning. My sister had a family Christmas vacation planned so they left town.

Couple things have occurred today.
1 - nephews educational trust/savings account has been frozen by my dad. My sister had authority to release funds as needed, but my dad replaced her with me today.
2 - nephew has follow-up appointment with a counselor Jan 4 (returns from vacation Jan 3). He is 20, so he will decide if that continues. I hope it does, he needs to get whatever demons he has under control.
3 - I am spending MLK weekend with my nephew informing him what I will authorize payments on from his account. IMO, listed in the order I support; 1) learn a trade, become apprentice and works towards that, 2) join the military, 3) get a job not working for my sister and pay his way while he figures out what to do next, 4) get a job, attend community college and earn his AA degree before transferring to another school to get his BS.
4 - talked to ex-GF parents again today. Told them I can’t control what my nephew does, but right now we need to make sure both kids are healthy physically and emotionally. Left that conversation by telling the parents ‘your 19 (almost 20 yo) daughter needs to decide what she wants to do? I will influence my nephew to do the right thing, but if you involve lawyers it will only cause more pain.

Only time will tell how this all ends, but right now I am only concerned with my nephews health.

It appears that you have developed a solid plan to move forward. Option 4 seems like the most reasonable, and the job in question should be full-time and the community college should be part time. The time he spends at community college should be used to repair his GPA in coursework that he has already failed. That activity should take him about 2 years. The military option is good too, but he should not join without a plan of where he wants to go with it. Just joining may not work out too well for someone who doesn't have a goal.

Good on you for stepping in to help this young man. It sounds like he needs your guidance.

 

[4Waters]

It appears that you have developed a solid plan to move forward. Option 4 seems like the most reasonable, and the job in question should be full-time and the community college should be part time. The time he spends at community college should be used to repair his GPA in coursework that he has already failed. That activity should take him about 2 years. The military option is good too, but he should not join without a plan of where he wants to go with it. Just joining may not work out too well for someone who doesn't have a goal.

Good on you for stepping in to help this young man. It sounds like he needs your guidance.

X2 option 4

 

[Hullbilly]

I’d vote for option 2, highest chance of success and when he gets out Uncle Sam helps with schooling costs.

 

[4Waters]

I’d vote for option 2, highest chance of success and when he gets out Uncle Sam helps with schooling costs.

They may not take him because of his attempt. Any career in law enforcement and fire are completely out of the question.

 

[Singleton]

I’d vote for option 2, highest chance of success and when he gets out Uncle Sam helps with schooling costs.

To be 100%, not sure he would cut it.
Love my nephew and sister to dearth, but over the last week I have done a ton of soul searching.
IMO, my sister has raised an entitled, no consequences for his actions, lazy ass kid. He looks up to his 32yo step-brother who lives off his mom and dad (my sisters husband) and has never worked a day in his life. Will try to get this kid pointed in the right direction, but can’t control my sister and she owns a huge percentage of this problem.

Make me realize that the rules we had for our oldest (now 23) worked.