Just snagged my kid..

[Bear Down]

I have a 16 y/o boy so I know the challenges. Overall he has been a great kid but not perfect. My conversations with him are for him to understand regardless of his age there are consequences for his actions. Lose the phone or get the belt was the last one (I’ve never belted him so I was hoping he would pick that one lol so he could see what I went thru- he gave up the phone)

I like that... I think my 4 year old will take the belt when she's older just to prove a point.. So I am looking forward to that conversation... LOL.. I'm still the best Daddy to her so I am going to milk every EFFEN ounce of that love out of her while I can.

 

[RitcheyRch]

 

[Ladsm]

Not sure on a vape but you can try what works with alcohol or cigarettes. Sit him down and have him drink till he pukes or smokes till he turns green. They will beg not to do it again.

 

[Waffles]

I hope to have my kids be better than me, that is my goal, I would think the goal of most parents. To me, the "active " act of parenting ends when my kids are out of my house and living on their own. Who wants a Parent telling them what and how to do things when they are on their own. Once they are gone, all I can give them is my love and support (FX of parenting I suppose). I am totally aware of what society is and has become, having a 18/11/4 year old, I have witnessed and experienced every single spectrum. Different parenting styles doesn't make any one set of parents better. There are tons of shitty adults that came from pretty decent home/environments and then there are pretty stellar adults that have succeeded in life that came from really bad family/neighborhood/financial situations. I just don't want my kids to accept things in life because its the norm.
Here is an example of what I am talking about. My daughter woke up late for work over the weekend, her start time was 7:00a.m, she got to work at 720a.m. Didn't impact anything for her Job, except the fact that she lost out on a little bit of $ due to that late start. I wasn't mad at her for being late, it happens to everyone at one point. But what did bother me is the fact she said "I didn't clock in, and my boss will assume I came in at 700a.m"... I then asked her "are you going to correct her and tell her you were late"... Her response was, why would I, others do it and me being late didn't affect the company one bit. I responded "to a small degree, are you stealing from the company by not disclosing you were late and intentionally not clocking in" She then got the point, in this situation , this is the social norm, from my experience with current employees where I work at and from talking to my daughter... is to "forget to clock in" so there is no record of tardiness.. I will not ADAPT to that mode of thinking, and I don't want my kids thinking that is ok. Now on the other hand, if shes out of the house and does this... shes on her own, and if she gets shit canned because of it... she's also on her own.. She won't learn if we just gloss over the bigger issue.

Using your example and some of the replies on here, did you make sure she reported it to her Superior?
Did you reprimand her for stealing while living under your roof?
Stealing is stealing regardless of the degree correct?
If not, then you did adapt to that mode of thinking by not doing so. How do you know those words didnt go through one ear and out the other?

My point is this, This kid doesnt sound like hes a piece of shit based on what op said about him. Going full R. Lee Ermey on him like some of the replies suggest isnt what id expect.

 

[buck35]

I'm kinda thankful for actually starting this thread, the convo is deep and helps to read the posts and all the angles. I grew up in the same era mentioned but I feel really bad for kids and parents today because of the social media aspect that our kids have to be a part of, its probably the worst strain of peer pressure of any generation. They want to get the views, the likes, the shares etc and I imagine what little stress a middle/high schooler has this is pretty high level. Honestly the kids he hangs with are little nerds..they do hang at skate parks and are in awe of the bigger and better skating kids. They want to mimic them I'm sure and this is part of what they see I'd imagine. I'm not too depressed over it, not boiling inside, just more discouraged and disappointed. You know these days would come really because of what I experienced as a 13 y/o but not prepared on how it was gonna be handled. Step up the conversations now, for sure..step up the 1 on 1 time, yep. Start treating him more adult like and not a child, definitely. This is what I guess the next chapter is all about I just have to come to grips with that. Taking him more on job sites, starting him off cleaning/sweeping sites and giving him an outlet with a demo hammer I think all of these would be a good start moving forward. And yep on all the school antics, the epidemic is rampant and apparently the bathrooms are a hotbox these days that's the reality. I'm gonna do the restrictions on devices, the hanging out, and the money situations and start thinking like a mentor vs a disciplinarian and see how that takes shape. I'll let his coaches in on this and let them step up the physical workouts and the training side. I think these are all good posts and ideas I just wasnt ready..

You said a key word there that brought back a memory of my youth . I got caught doing something stupid and when I had the sit-down with my dad the first thing he said was how disappointed he was in me. Worst feeling ever.

 

[Bear Down]

Using your example and some of the replies on here, did you make sure she reported it to her Superior?
Did you reprimand her for stealing while living under your roof?
Stealing is stealing regardless of the degree correct?
If not, then you did adapt to that mode of thinking by not doing so. How do you know those words didnt go through one ear and out the other?

My point is this, This kid doesnt sound like hes a piece of shit based on what op said about him. Going full R. Lee Ermey on him like some of the replies suggest isnt what id expect.

This conversation happened over the weekend..

She works today, 1st time since Saturday when this occurred as noted on my post on when it happened.. so I don't know what she has done to remedy the situation. Punishment comes if she doesnt fess up to supervisor. She'll lose the car for a day and wont get to see her boyfriend. That's the max punishment I'll give her.. shes 18, so I can only take away so much. Short of kicking her out of the house for stealing $5 worth of company time, it's the most reasonable impact i can put upon her...

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[riverroyal]

Good thread. Drug screen like someone mentioned. It will let your son know your serious. Amazon has them. It’s not to ‘catch’ him. It’s to show you are not going to let it slide.

By the way vape stuff is everywhere. You don’t need to go in a store to get it

 

[RiverDave]

Not sure on a vape but you can try what works with alcohol or cigarettes. Sit him down and have him drink till he pukes or smokes till he turns green. They will beg not to do it again.

Originally that was gonna be my suggestion as well, but I don't think it works that way with a vape.

RD

 

[Outdrive1]

I remember catching my kid in high school smoking pot in the house in the middle of the night, they were blowing the exhale in paper towel tubes stuffed with Bounce dryer sheets. Yes I was mad. Yes I kicked his ass. And yes he survived. He graduated college, has a great job, is a home owner, and he doesn’t smoke pot anymore. So there is hope. Don’t panic. Tell him you aren’t going to allow it and punish him for it, and then move on. You can’t watch them 24/7 so at some point you gotta trust them and hope for the best.


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[beaverretriever]

Well we don't have children but I was a child and I know what worked. My father was tough as nails and still is. He said if I ever smoked or did drugs or whatever I was out of the house. I had a good relationship with my father, but we were not friends until I was literally in my late 20s. Now we are best friends, but he was a parent first when I was growing up.

I respected my father so much that the threat of not being a part of the family was always enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. To this day I have never touched a drug other than alcohol. I still respect my father and mother as much as I always have and I am glad they never gave an inch when I was child.

If you look at the thread I just posted about your situation and my parents taking me to boarding school that sure worked for me!

 

[Bear Down]

Well we don't have children but I was a child and I know what worked. My father was tough as nails and still is. He said if I ever smoked or did drugs or whatever I was out of the house. I had a good relationship with my father, but we were not friends until I was literally in my late 20s. Now we are best friends, but he was a parent first when I was growing up.

I respected my father so much that the threat of not being a part of the family was always enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. To this day I have never touched a drug other than alcohol. I still respect my father and mother as much as I always have and I am glad they never gave an inch when I was child.

If you look at the thread I just posted about your situation and my parents taking me to boarding school that sure worked for me!

Same path on my end....

 

[riverroyal]

I smoked weed from age 13 to 16. Any place any time. At 16 I stopped once I started a job. Never touched it since.
There NO question it sent me in direction. Hard to say if it was bad or not. But it did ruin any chance at college.
It did nothing to benefit my life.

 

[rivermobster]

I'm thinking that most of the people replying to this thread don't have kids??

First, talk to him, LIKE AN ADULT!!!!!!!!!!! Talking down to someone hardly ever works out. (except for maybe rodnjen, but you can see how well he listens, right??)

Tell him the Biggest problem here is that he lied to you. And that is NOT the kind of relationship you want to have with him. Tell him you wanna be the guy he can come to for ANY issue he has. That you want him to be open and honest with you at every turn of events. That's the relationship you want with him, not one where he sneaks around behind your back. That shit hurts. Be honest.

Then you need to start keeping him busy enough so he doesn't have time to get into trouble!!! Sports, music, martial arts, boy scouts anything and everything to keep him busy, and associated with other kids who are driven as well. NOT the looser kids that have nothing better to do.

Fix your relationship with him. That's job one.

I just spent the weekend with just me and my son. Long talks driving and boating, with me just doing most of the listening. It was great therapy for us both.

You got this. Good luck!!!

 

[GETBOATS]

Both my boys went to public schools, so I know they were exposed to more than I know. Looking back, I'd say we were successful keeping them off that crap was intense competition. In their middle school thru high school years they both raced motocross. They were very carful with nutrition and fitness. They knew a misstep would cause a racing injury. They were also very dedicated to their studies and treated school as a competition. I watched the younger of the two drop good friends because of weed. there were very late nites in my garage welding, bending a creating the next truck, new faces among the crowd, I'd do a "surprise" at 2 am just to check on the friends more than my two. My house was and still is the hub, so anything that was happening was under our noses.

 

[RiverDave]

 

[ka0tyk]

I've never tried smoking, weed, etc. Never will. Hell I barely drink. I wont stand for any of it. Like others have said, its already put a kink on your relationship and its not even alcohol, drugs, sex, etc. Its a vape pen and he's hiding and lying to you. Whats gonna happen when this is a serious issue? I'd rather be the hard ass that did something even if its a small issue than the parent that said "oh well its not a big deal" and my kid gets into serious trouble, or worst ends up dead for some reason. The stuff kids go through these days with social media, bullying, blah blah are REAL and have serious consequences.

I'm a big fan of privileges need to be earned. Phones, xbox, toys, etc all get removed. You mentioned he plays sports. Go tell the coach and to give him hell with extra running, etc.

 

[Carlson-jet]

To the OP, This isn't your battle, it's his. As a parent, one needs to give the proper tools to win. Anger and blame will use up precious time and resources better spent to arm a young person in distress. The distress is, "what is the meaning of my life".
My first objective would be to drag him to the library and check out books on how and what it takes to get into a good college and present it as a gift of gratitude of your faith in him.
I bet nothing in those books has vaping, pot smoking, drugs or mischief involved.

Good luck. We live in the Best Nation in the World with more opportunities than any other place can duplicate.

 

[AFTERSHOCK RACING+]

sorry to hear this

 

[Waffles]

I smoked weed from age 13 to 16. Any place any time. At 16 I stopped once I started a job. Never touched it since.
There NO question it sent me in direction. Hard to say if it was bad or not. But it did ruin any chance at college.
It did nothing to benefit my life.

Which is why youre posting live and direct from skid row blown out of your mind on heroin right?
Because you know......gate way drug like others have suggested?

 

[AFTERSHOCK RACING+]

well good luck bud I hope your kid doesn't do this Again I hope he understands the good a the bad from all this and all this threads are very helpful Advice

 

[Wizard29]

Talking down to someone hardly ever works out.

How would you know? You have to be tall enough for that.

Sorry Joe, I couldn't pass it up!

 

[rivermobster]

How would you know? You have to be tall enough for that.

Sorry Joe, I couldn't pass it up!