Adultery Rumors

[endobear]

Wife was at a work dinner last night and was speaking with a vendor she's been working with on and off for 16 years. It came up how happy he was that she was working with them again. It came up that she thought his group didn't like her. He then proceeded to tell her that they had all thought she was sleeping with her boss (district manager for a large bank) 15 years ago.
Wife was floored and this dude was back peddling like crazy. He called out the lady who told him right at dinner. My wife has known this lady for 16 years and as of 4 years ago is her direct report and very close friend. Or so she thought.

Wife's super embarrassed, hurt and livid.
It's been a tough 16 years with the bank and she's been passed up for numerous promotions, has dealt with many bitchy women coworkers and feels this rumor tainted her career .

She's ready to quit . Almost jumped on a plane last night. I told her to stick out the trip and see what her boss has to say for herself.
Does she quit? Ask for a transfer? Or just accept her bosses apology and accept it was something that happened over a decade ago and move on.

 

[shintoooo]

She should ask for a raise lol

 

[hallett21]

Seems like a hostile work environment to me


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[dirtslinger2]

Wait, her boss is a her?

 

[Sherpa]

hostile work environment. get a testimony from that guy. time for HR to get involved. she might be able to retire off that shit.

 

[wallnutz]

Wife was at a work dinner last night and was speaking with a vendor she's been working with on and off for 16 years. It came up how happy he was that she was working with them again. It came up that she thought his group didn't like her. He then proceeded to tell her that they had all thought she was sleeping with her boss (district manager for a large bank) 15 years ago.
Wife was floored and this dude was back peddling like crazy. He called out the lady who told him right at dinner. My wife has known this lady for 16 years and as of 4 years ago is her direct report and very close friend. Or so she thought.

Wife's super embarrassed, hurt and livid.
It's been a tough 16 years with the bank and she's been passed up for numerous promotions, has dealt with many bitchy women coworkers and feels this rumor tainted her career .

She's ready to quit . Almost jumped on a plane last night. I told her to stick out the trip and see what her boss has to say for herself.
Does she quit? Ask for a transfer? Or just accept her bosses apology and accept it was something that happened over a decade ago and move on.

Might not hurt to talk to an attorney. I know it sucks to think that way and probably not a first choice, but that woman ruined a lot of chances for promotion and raises.

 

[zbudman]

Women working together always seem to have issues.

 

[monkeyswrench]

Damn, my wife would have turned that dinner party into Springer episode...

I don't know how real jobs are, and I consider banking a real job. I know she's pissed. It may require some thought, but she may be able to use it to her advantage. If nothing else, make people super uncomfortable at the next meeting.

 

[endobear]

Wait, her boss is a her?

Her new boss that told the vendor many years ago is a female. Old boss was a dude.

 

[outboard_256]

Might not hurt to talk to an attorney. I know it sucks to think that way and probably not a first choice, but that woman ruined a lot of chances for promotion and raises.

Ya I would definitely figure out my options before quiting. Quiting is just going to hurt your wife short term and might mess up any actions she might have against them if done incorrectly. You have all the cards right now so I would find out the best way to play them if there is a best way.

 

[dirtslinger2]

Her new boss that told the vendor is a female. Old boss was a dude.

Now I'm catching on, I thought the person that told the vendor was your wifes direct report.

 

[WYRD]

Tell her not to make any rash decisions. It's definitely one of those situations that needs to be thought about rationally from every angle

 

[endobear]

I don't want her to quit. These last 4 years with this new boss and position has been great. She's been truly happy with her job. Bonuses and raises she has never had before. One of the things that really pissed her off is that her friend/boss had never mentioned it and has always thought the rumors were true. Tried telling her she should be glad her new boss is so happy despite thinking she was a dishonest whore.

 

[Tooms22]

Women are absolutely terrible to each other in the business world... well, in general. It's some belief in the scarcity of clients/customers/business/promotions type behavior. If she does well, then I can't do well.

Then the worst of them get on their soapbox and preach how the men are holding them down.

Really? I just heard you calling Kathy a bitch and a bad mom in the office lounge 15 minutes ago.

Attorney, HR, approach the current boss... all of those sound better than quitting right away.

 

[endobear]

Can't count how many dinners and events I attended with her old boss (and his wife).

To think people thought my wife was banging him tweaks me a bit too.

 

[Uncle Dave]

Quit? NFW.

Unless she has another job that pays the same lined up quitting just hurts her/ you and lets them off any hook.

Document meticulously how this conversation went and pay an HR attorney a basic 1 hour fee to discuss.

Im not sure if you have anything actionable.

 

[Rajobigguy]

If her career has truly been harmed by this then she should be compensated. First step is to get HR involved and get it on the record. See how the company is willing to make it right. After that if company doesn't do something. Then it may very well be time to seek legal counsel. I'm not one that recommends suing everyone for everything but like you said, this may well have had an impact on her career.

 

[HTTP404]

Work dinner + drinks = fun

 

[endobear]

HR is a joke at her work. She has witnessed 1st hand a few people get pushed out or transferred to a department that gets eliminated directly after someone makes a legit HR complaint. If she goes to HR we will be talking to an attorney directly afterwards, I'm sure.
I say let her new boss eat crow and make things as right as she can. Let everyone in their group know it was a bullshit rumor and how bad she feels and let them make things better.

 

[was thatguy]

I wish that shit would happen to me.

If all this is substantiated to HR we're talking over a decade of unfair treatment and not a single advancement pass over can be dismissed from the specter of this rumor.

By the time the smoke clears she may not want to work there even if she can. They’ll have to talk to everybody.

So...either she keeps it close and uses it to leverage the boss lady just short of blackmail, lol
Or she blows the whistle and detonates a huge mushroom cloud.
Either way...she wins!

 

[Crazyhippy]

Talking with an attorney does not = suing right away...

 

[Backlash]

I would recommend she NOT quit her job, and do what she can to stick it out. Reporting it to HR probably won't do much as this seems to be a "He said, she said" situation. Yeah, there are a lot of loose ends that would have to be tied up, and her company may or may not want to go down that road due to costs. It might be a lot of work for very little, if any, reward.

 

[pronstar]

Women working together always seem to have issues.

My wife once worked for an all-female medical supply company.

It was toxic.
She hated every day she worked there.

She swore she would never, ever again work for an all-female company…and doesn’t rest like to work for female bosses, either.


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[CLdrinker]

hostile work environment. get a testimony from that guy. time for HR to get involved. she might be able to retire off that shit.

LOL good luck. I hope she has better luck than me.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

Pics of wife and wife's female accuser are needed to properly assess the go forward plan.

 

[CLdrinker]

Devils advocate....

How do you know she wasn’t banging the boss?
No offense but after leaving my previous employer and finding out who was banging who was a shocker. Not to mention other play to pay type schemes.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

Devils advocate....

How do you know she wasn’t banging the boss?
No offense but after leaving my previous employer and finding out who was banging who was a shocker. Not to mention other play to pay type schemes.

Well this thread just got more interesting.

 

[hallett21]

[emoji897] [emoji897] [emoji897] [emoji15][emoji15]


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[Tooms22]

Devils advocate....

How do you know she wasn’t banging the boss?
No offense but after leaving my previous employer and finding out who was banging who was a shocker. Not to mention other play to pay type schemes.

I would venture to say that if she was actually doing it, she wouldn't go home and tell her husband that there was a rumor about it

 

[was thatguy]

Devils advocate....

How do you know she wasn’t banging the boss?
No offense but after leaving my previous employer and finding out who was banging who was a shocker. Not to mention other play to pay type schemes.

I wasn’t gonna say it but since you did...

 

[CLdrinker]

Well this thread just got more interesting.

After finding out about the happily married people at my old work who were banging co workers.

one of which tried to flip the script by telling his wife you won’t believe why they are firing me. They think I slept with so and so.
Turns out he was but he tried to get in front of rumor mill by telling on himself.
Nothing is impossible.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

After finding out about the happily married people at my old work who were banging co workers.

one of which tried to flip the script by telling his wife you won’t believe why they are firing me. They think I slept with so and so.
Turns out he was but he tried to get in front of rumor mill by telling on himself.
Nothing is impossible.

Nothing is impossible, but I’m sure he appreciates the talk of infidelity in his marriage while seeking advice.

 

[attitude]

Nothing is impossible, but I’m sure he appreciates the talk of infidelity in his marriage while seeking advice.

I saw what you just deleted just lock the thread right now lol

 

[JD D05]

I saw what you just deleted just lock the thread right now lol

So did I lol. Tried to quote it.

 

[CLdrinker]

Nothing is impossible, but I’m sure he appreciates the talk of infidelity in his marriage while seeking advice.

Hence the term devils advocate was used.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

I saw what you just deleted just lock the thread right now lol

So did I lol. Tried to quote it.

Figured I shouldn’t fan the impending flames.

 

[LargeOrangeFont]

Hence the term devils advocate was used.

I’m not sure that softens the blow.

 

[Danger Dave]

I have nothing of value to add at this time, but I've never let that stop me from posting before.

 

[coolchange]

You’re now playing poker. Poker face. Take a couple afternoons off. Then happy face.
The person yelling and threatening never does anything. The best pull is never let on what you’re doing.

 

[gqchris]

This is why I dont drink with coworkers, clients vendors or eat dinner etc etc. etc.

A few drinks, and here comes all the bullshit! Happens all the time!

Id rather be called the "unsocial one".

 

[cofooter]

This is why I dont drink with coworkers, clients vendors or eat dinner etc etc. etc.

A few drinks, and here comes all the bullshit! Happens all the time!

Id rather be called the "unsocial one".

Exactly!!!!

 

[musicFunsun]

I don’t have anything to add except that I know firsthand crappy HR departments and an uncomfortable working situation sux. I hope for the best outcome for you wife.

 

[stephenkatsea]

I have nothing of value to add at this time, but I've never let that stop me from posting before.

My wife feels your classic comment would be perfect for my headstone!! Lol

 

[HB2Havasu]

Sounds like your wife needs to Lawyer Up!!

 

[Icky]

I’m not sure that softens the blow.

Maybe he should've said "with all due respect "

 

[River Runnin]

...... This isn't the Postal service is it??

 

[was thatguy]

This is why I dont drink with coworkers, clients vendors or eat dinner etc etc. etc.

A few drinks, and here comes all the bullshit! Happens all the time!

Id rather be called the "unsocial one".

Nailed it.

 

[DWC]

I would recommend she NOT quit her job, and do what she can to stick it out. Reporting it to HR probably won't do much as this seems to be a "He said, she said" situation. Yeah, there are a lot of loose ends that would have to be tied up, and her company may or may not want to go down that road due to costs. It might be a lot of work for very little, if any, reward.

Best advice IMO. Personally, I’d start looking for another place to work. It’s easier to find a job when you have one. The idea of getting even with a lawsuit is pretty appealing but unless you can prove it cost job opportunities or there was a quid pro quo, i doubt the payoff would be worth it.

 

[TCHB]

Think out her options. Reacting is never the right move.

 

[Desert Whaler]

think it through . . . . then think it through . . . . take some time and re-think it through . . . . then take more time, cool down and re-think it through again . . . only talk to people about it w/ their heads screwed on straight . . . DO NOT tell friends, etc. . . . . my last gal had a major fuck-up go down w/ a national publicly traded company . . . . . . try to separate the 'personal' feelings and look CLOSELY at the facts . . . . TRUST ME.