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Do you have an exit plan?

Cole Trickle

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I assume the first 3 plans you made with your wife? Should the exit plan also be discussed with her? It’s easy for me to say now, but I’d let my wife and kids have the house and I’d still provide like I do. I just wouldn’t be living there anymore I guess? I dunno, like I said, it’s easy to say all that now without being involved in a nasty fight
I'm a product of divorce so I never went into it being naïve that 50% of marriages fail. Divorce/greed is a very ugly real thing when fairness goes out the window. There is no way in hell i would continue to bust my ass at work while sleeping on my 70 year old moms couch and driving a 1989 dodge colt while the ex extorts money from me while using child support to plan a tropical vacation with her new boyfriend driving an escalade. :)

I' fair I'm not a fool and I have seen guys get taken advantage of too many times to count.
 

BHC Vic

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I'm a product of divorce so I never went into it being naïve that 50% of marriages fail. Divorce/greed is a very ugly real thing when fairness goes out the window. There is no way in hell i would continue to bust my ass at work while sleeping on my 70 year old moms couch and driving a 1989 dodge colt while the ex extorts money from me while using child support to plan a tropical vacation with her new boyfriend driving an escalade. :)

I' fair I'm not a fool and I have seen guys get taken advantage of too many times to count.
My love for my kids goes deeper than my love for myself. Sounds stupid but it’s true. As long as they are happy I don’t care what I’m doing. I hope I married a woman who loves our kids enough to only want their happiness as well. Who knows though. As far as being taken advantage of. Work does it everyday. It would be nothing new
 

Ziggy

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When I get a moment, I will comment on this issue. Being a divorce attorney for over 30 years has given me a unique perspective.

Cheers, Steve
One can only imagine the stuff you've seen in those 30 years, and how it's evolved.
 

Rajobigguy

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Both me and my wife have the same exit plan as both of our parents, It's called "Till Death Do Us Part"...
Hopefully we can come to better terms than shooting each other but I guess that's one option.
 
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1tonfun

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Being with my wife for 35 years and married for 32, I hope this ride never ends. We didn't have shit when we got married and busted our asses for everything we have. She had as much to do with our success as I did. If she decided to leave (which I doubt), I would split it with her equally and hope she finds the happiness that she seemed to think she lacked. I'm not leaving except in a body bag.
 

TeamGreene

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When I get a moment, I will comment on this issue. Being a divorce attorney for over 30 years has given me a unique perspective.

Cheers, Steve
What's the longest term marriage you have seen end in divorce?
 

River Runnin

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Being with my wife for 35 years and married for 32, I hope this ride never ends. We didn't have shit when we got married and busted our asses for everything we have. She had as much to do with our success as I did. If she decided to leave (which I doubt), I would split it with her equally and hope she finds the happiness that she seemed to think she lacked. I'm not leaving except in a body bag.
yep! Same here! Been 42 years for us! ;)
 

LargeOrangeFont

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I assume the first 3 plans you made with your wife? Should the exit plan also be discussed with her? It’s easy for me to say now, but I’d let my wife and kids have the house and I’d still provide like I do. I just wouldn’t be living there anymore I guess? I dunno, like I said, it’s easy to say all that now without being involved in a nasty fight
As @Cole Trickle I'm not naïve that most marriages end in divorce. Everyone's ex was "their best friend" at some point. We all hope the ride does not end, but for many it does. I'm just not going to be extorted if that happens to me. That said im not trying to rob her either. I would want something fair and equitable for both parties. My plan has always been to have my kids 50% of the time. We have a business with assets together so yes, some aspects of an "exit" plan were discussed as the assets of our business we want to pass along to the kids. In the end it is just a loose plan, and plans can easily go to shit in a divorce battle.
 

67Charger

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My parents separated last year just before their 40th anniversary, and 45 years of being together. Still married, but he pays for her to have her own house near the kids, and a fair bit of outright spending money. He still lives in the one I grew up in.

That said, my wife and I have been together for 21 years and married for 16. We, like many others started with nothing and have both worked for everything we have, including our 7 kids ages 2-13. There will be no split. I'm not a cheater, she's an introvert, and the kids are our world. I don't plan to fail. If it did, there is nothing that NOT being amiable would solve. I wouldn't put the kids through it. No possession is worth ruining their world an sense of stable, loving home, even if it meant I needed to "move away for work reasons, but would still take care of them."
 
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BHC Vic

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My neighbors are going through a divorce right now. 15 and 7 year old boys. I’m already watching them both act out. Super shitty deal and both of them are completely different people than they were a few months ago. Im playin nice because I’m trying to buy their house 😬
 

Flatsix66

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She can have it all! I'll bounce back stronger than ever and torment her with all my new "found" worldly possessions and make her regret ever leaving! I will move in next door and be a living reminder to her for the mistake she made. Every time she glances out her window she will be spitting jealous of the new blue tarp I have covering my Safeway shopping cart.
 

Cole Trickle

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My love for my kids goes deeper than my love for myself. Sounds stupid but it’s true. As long as they are happy I don’t care what I’m doing. I hope I married a woman who loves our kids enough to only want their happiness as well. Who knows though. As far as being taken advantage of. Work does it everyday. It would be nothing new
I love my son more than anything on this earth and will always provide and take care of him.

That doesent change the fact that as an adult bad things happen and you have to be prepared or ready to deal with tough situations. I respect myself far too much to climb into a hole and be taken advantage of and my son deserves a role model that will show him how to survive and be a solid contributor to this world.
 

BHC Vic

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I love my son more than anything on this earth and will always provide and take care of him.

That doesent change the fact that as an adult bad things happen and you have to be prepared or ready to deal with tough situations. I respect myself far too much to climb into a hole and be taken advantage of and my son deserves a role model that will show him how to survive and be a solid contributor to this world.
We just see it different. I was taught different by my dad but our parents were also in different situations.
 

Nordie

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My exit strategy is to die first and she can do whatever with whatever. I just hope it's a long ways down the road, like enjoying retirement and traveling.
 
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LargeOrangeFont

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absolutely...

My parents have been divorced a combined 5 times...lol

Gotta do what makes you happy. Kids are resilient and as long as they are loved,treated well and educated they will continue to thrive.
My parents are still together and probably should have divorced LOL.
 

BHC Vic

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absolutely...

My parents have been divorced a combined 5 times...lol

Gotta do what makes you happy. Kids are resilient and as long as they are loved,treated well and educated they will continue to thrive.
That’s something I’ve always told myself too. I would never remarry and even if I dated I don’t think I’d bring the new girl around my kids. Again it’s just what I say now, but that’s what I’ve always thought.
 

Cole Trickle

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That’s something I’ve always told myself too. I would never remarry and even if I dated I don’t think I’d bring the new girl around my kids. Again it’s just what I say now, but that’s what I’ve always thought.
not realistic.....

Kids want to see there parents happy. Plenty of loveless marriages that stayed together for the "sake" of the kids and the kinds can tell and still end up resenting you.

Life is short we all deserve to be happy.

Like mentioned earlier i love my wife a ton and have zero plans to ever split up. Life is great we are the perfect team and have always been headed in the same direction.
 

thmterry

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Remember sometimes one person in a marriage thinks the grass is greener somewhere else and the spouse never even knew there was a problem.
 

Nordie

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That’s something I’ve always told myself too. I would never remarry and even if I dated I don’t think I’d bring the new girl around my kids. Again it’s just what I say now, but that’s what I’ve always thought.
I said the never remarry part, but it happened, and I'm really glad I made that decision. Of course there were no kids involved with my first marriag, so I could see that changing things a little.

I have a stepdaughter now, and even though she's an 18 year old pain in the ass I still love her.

Now she has 4 adult figures in her life that love her. Her dad is getting remarried this summer, the ex husband was at our wedding actually. We all occasionally have dinner at each others houses as well.
 

BHC Vic

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I’m a workaholic... that’s what makes me happy. It’s weird I know but if I didn’t have a family I would just work more hours. It’s weird I know.
 

ssc

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"Exit Plans" I actually have a pamphlet that I prepared respecting this issue. I made a lot of money helping people prepare an EP. I can't even estimate the numbers of folks who came to my office who were literally in a shell shocked state of mind. If I had a dime for every time I heard, "I never saw this coming" or "We had a great marriage. Everyone, including his/her family are just in shock." Additionally the party filing for the D had already made some classic pre planning moves. That left them on the top of the mountain with the surprised party trying to retake the hill in the face of intense enemy fire.

Moral of the story is to always be prepared. It became obvious that the one who plans out their EP was in much better shape and generally did much better throughout the D process. There is also a reason that there is so much domestic violence. I provided this service for many people who had no intention of getting a D. It was like their one year check up. Most were higher asset situations. I had many doctors who would meet with me once a year so we could update info and suggest "plans." It was just a smart move. I encouraged clients to call me BEFORE they did something, so we could determine the most beneficial way to proceed, in case of a D. Just the same as calling your accountant before making a decision which could impact a tax issue.

Some of these plan issues seem like common sense to me, but it is because I have lived in this world of D. If someone knows they have time to implement a EP they will be generally better off in regards to custody, support, property division etc. A good EP incorporates ways to help protect one from certain allegations. I know I am being vague, but I will give some very basic EP thoughts.

1. Never ever allow the other party to have complete control over all the finances. I always knew the client was in deep doo then. It was usually, "I just gave her my check, I don't know what she did with the money." Then it was off to the races. I have seen many times where the one with control of the books had siphoned off money, hid money, gave to others to hold money, moved it to off shore accounts etc etc etc. Be sure you know where the financial papers are located and where the accounts are. Make damn sure they are joint accounts and you have access. If you open a "Saving account", don't open it at the same bank where you do your banking.

2. Spend more time with your children and keep it documented.

3. If you inherit money keep it separated in its own account in your name only. Keep all the tracing documents to demonstrate where the funds came from and keep the documents in a secure place, that is not in the home.

The above are just 3 very basic items. A good EP via an attorney should be very specific to each individuals situation. Are there really dirty tricks and nasty win at all costs EP's, yes. I am privy to them and seen them utilized. The real losers in the game of divorce are the children. I have done my job, but have always tried to invite clients and prospective clients to keep their children's needs first. Unfortunately, the parties are often too emotional to be able to clearly see what is in the best interests of the children.

Cheers, Steve
 

Lumpy

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Exit Plan flawlessly executed.

I got our 10 year old son full time
House
Boat
Motorhome
Business

One year after divorce I ran her ass back into court and got child support payments
from her for over 6 years.

Fuckin bitch had no idea what was coming...she got what she deserved.
 

Xtrmwakeboarder

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No EP here, but we're only 2 years in with no kids and it's still new. I handle all the finances and make the vast majority of the money. She could definitely screw me over, but at that point, I'd be more concerned about losing her than the money. I'll make more... or move to Costa Rica.
 

RaceTec

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The best bit of advice I can give is check your credit report at least yearly. Verify everything on your credit report before you even talk about divorce. It is really easy for that person that has all of your information and trust to add on or sign up for new credit cards or loans without you knowing a thing! In my case I thought I knew everything and took all the debt and just walked away to live in a trailer behind my shop to get the fuck out, next thing I knew I was blindsided by a TON of debt that I had no clue about and no recourse on!
 

LHC30

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I'm a product of divorce so I never went into it being naïve that 50% of marriages fail. Divorce/greed is a very ugly real thing when fairness goes out the window. There is no way in hell i would continue to bust my ass at work while sleeping on my 70 year old moms couch and driving a 1989 dodge colt while the ex extorts money from me while using child support to plan a tropical vacation with her new boyfriend driving an escalade. :)

I' fair I'm not a fool and I have seen guys get taken advantage of too many times to count.
So what you’re saying is you need a map of “ lost” mines? 😎
 

Angler

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I already exited. My plan worked great. Buy her out of my business, house and toys, she took all the money and retirements. It took me 7 years and I'm debt free except for my house, Doing my last remodel on my home. Have been able to sock money away the last few years.
Couldn't be happier. GF of 9 years just moved in with me about a year ago. So, no exit plan will ever be needed for me. Not getting married ever again.
 

Uncle Dave

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Lol
In ca? Here’s the score:

1. 10 years or more=long term marriage
2. Dissomaster calculator: look it up , study it , know it
3. Good attorneys in your area/county
Have a list: Once you are playing for keeps, meet the best ones for a consult, the other side can’t use them after that (most times)
4.Public Service? Learn the QDRO system, how it applies to you.

If you don’t have a handle on the above, everything else is meaningless

This is superb short list - Ill add just a bit to it.

1. 10 years or more=long term marriage - Which means (shell fight for) open ended spousal support until she remarries or the judge calls it quits

2. Dissomaster calculator: look it up , study it , know it - to a very large extent what you are going to get (lol) or will pay is determined by this computation PERIOD.
If she doesn't work during the marriage she gets more.

3. Always a good idea to have an attorney - Im uncertain if a mere consultation is enough conflict out.

4. The only way to split a 401K without penalty is with a QDRO

Remember guys 80% of the time she's filing on you.
 
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TITTIES AND BEER

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Going on 43 ~44 ? years ( better check it’s coming up ) we want for nothing, we buy whatever we want , we are not rich and we help out whenever we can , we don’t go on lavish vacations a sunset on the ranch 😎 just peace and quiet we enjoy it . Who the hell needs 7 horses 🤔😆
 

just_floatin

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Call me old fashion, but I’m sticking to my word. If I am that guy in the 20 percentile mentioned above, then so be it. Besides, integrity means a lot more to me then “stuff” I can’t take to my grave.

“In the name of God, I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow."
 

lakemadness

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Entertaining that people say “I wouldn’t have married if I didn’t think it would last”. “I married the right one”... LOL. Of course!

I wouldn’t have started different businesses if I thought they would fail... wouldn’t have made investments putting my nuts on the chopping block if I knew they’d go bad. I like my nuts.

I’ve passed on plenty of deals because they didn’t feel right. Same with chicks... You’ll never know if it was luck or not. Just a gut feeling.

Things can feel right, but people change, desires change, trends change and economies change. New influences come along.

Wouldn’t have married my wife if I thought it would fail. Wouldn’t have had a child if I thought our marriage would fail...

10 years in with my wife and we have a 9 year old daughter. We’re stronger now than 10 years ago. My family lost everything- businesses, homes, cars, boats, investments and I lost my job and future job a couple of years before we got engaged. She hung in there. Starting from nothing, my wife and I have built something significant, in my opinion. Foolish for either to split it now, the waiting game will pay out in 20ish years.

I think she has family money coming her way, so maybe she won’t need to take half of ours and split. Who knows, maybe she has a plan. As long as I think with the right head I should safe.
 

Mcob25rg

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Absolutely yes. Marriage is a partnership. No one starts a partnership thinking it’s going to crash. Not having this is like a pilot never planning for a part to fail. Life / Things / People change over time. If every day was like the wedding day there wouldn’t be divorce. Had a buddy into it at 24 years - he thought he was married to the greatest gal on the planet. On the day she told him it was over, she already had an apartment full of furniture, a lawyer, and the dog moved. It CAN / DOES happen.
 

LowRiver2

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This is superb short list - Ill add just a bit to it.

1. 10 years or more=long term marriage - Which means (shell fight for) open ended spousal support until she remarries or the judge calls it quits

2. Dissomaster calculator: look it up , study it , know it - to a very large extent what you are going to get (lol) or will pay is determined by this computation PERIOD.
If she doesn't work during the marriage she gets more.

3. Always a good idea to have an attorney - Im uncertain if a mere consultation is enough conflict out.

4. The only way to split a 401K without penalty is with a QDRO

Remember guys 80% of the time she's filing on you.
Good add ons

I didn’t get too elaborate

I can get $150k in divorce /attorneys fees elaborate, but don’t feel like it.

Cheers to all the perfect people, for the rest of us, I got plenty of advice in divorce. Like shootings, every detail gets seared into your brain 🤣
 
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BHC Vic

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Dam allot of glass half empty folks.
Instead of an exit plan maybe ya’ll should look at your entry plan. Cuz obviously it wasn’t good.
I’m shocked that this is what marriage has s come to. Very interesting for sure.
 

ssc

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This is superb short list - Ill add just a bit to it.

1. 10 years or more=long term marriage - Which means (shell fight for) open ended spousal support until she remarries or the judge calls it quits

2. Dissomaster calculator: look it up , study it , know it - to a very large extent what you are going to get (lol) or will pay is determined by this computation PERIOD.
If she doesn't work during the marriage she gets more.

3. Always a good idea to have an attorney - Im uncertain if a mere consultation is enough conflict out.

4. The only way to split a 401K without penalty is with a QDRO

Remember guys 80% of the time she's filing on you.
LR2 and Uncle Dave bring up some good general info. However, the devil is in the details. For California only:

1. As a general proposition, a marriage of 10 years is usually deemed a long term marriage, but it isn't absolute. Case law holds that a marriage of 7 years can be deemed a long term marriage based on facts and circumstances. I have litigated the issue of whether or not a 12 year marriage was long term and also as short as 8 years. Reference family code 4320 and 4336.

If there is a long term marriage, then the general proposition is that the court will make the order for spousal support until death, remarriage of the supported spouse or further order of court.

2. The DM or Xspouse is a computer program that computes child support and gives a persuasive amount of spousal support for tempory orders. It is not allowed to be used to determine final spousal support. The court determines final SS utilizing the above referenced 4320 factors and must articulate their reason in accordance. Generally the court will just grant the SS at the initial, temporary hearing pursuant to the DM, but it is not absolute and can be litigated as to why it should be more or less.

Here is where having a good attorney pays off. The DM is nothing but a computer program. What is most important is the information that is input. My job is to either limit my clients liability or to get the most support I can, depending on who I represent. I know the program and how to run and or change items to my clients benefit. I can articulate to a judge my numbers and give support for my positions. I have been able to get my clients larger awards and or pay less amounts due to manipulating the DM. Way too many attorneys do not pay attention to details. As LR2, or any state, county or city employee knows, they have mandatory retirement. PERS, LACERA etc. That mandatory payment is deducted from their income, but the tax schedule sub section needs to be brought up and changed or the gov employee gets a deduction for FICA and state dis. which he/she doesn't pay. I can't tell you how many times I have seen that happen. This results in the gov employee paying less support. There are also many ways to manipulate the gross income and don't even get me started on manipulating self employed income.

As far as she gets more, if she didn't work, this is not completely accurate. There is a large body of law on imputation of income and why we have vocational experts.

3. There is plenty of cases on when an attorney may be conflicted out of a case. Generally, a short consult will not do it.

4. 401K's can usually be split without a QDRO, however, they can absolutely be split with one.

Cheers, Steve
 

Bowtiepower00

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As a child of parents who should have split, I have given this some thought. My old lady is an excellent mother. And will always put our son first. I don’t worry about her leaving over some bullshit, we have been together through thick and thin. I’m 39 and we have been together for 22 years. For that, she can have the house, and the bulk of the money, I don’t need it. I’ll take my truck and my tools and figure something out, lol. Probably buy a bagger and go for a ride. If I lose my family, I don’t really care about the money and shit, at that point as long as our son is good, I’m good. I love my old lady, but I always keep a backup plan ready.
 

TPC

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So it’s normal to plan for divorce when everything is going fine?

Maybe I’m in the minority here but when the going gets tough that’s when you work together and make the marriage work and stronger?
I lost 2 homes in Divorces.
Ain't going to get bit by that dog again and loose this one if things go south.

The wife understood that and insisted we pre-nup so that dark cloud isn't hanging over my head. Not protecting her but protecting me.

Every marriage has it's pressures but never bring up the D word. Just don't go there.
Totally to my advantage to pre-nup.
Totally to her advantage to make this marriage work.
 
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TPC

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Does she carry it around in her purse and lend it back to you from time to time? HAH.. LOL
No, not at all. It's the only way we could protect my and her future and she knew that. That's how compassionate she is. Straight away relieved that pressure from the marriage.
Dudes like you that think with their dicks have no perception of the consequences of not thinking ahead.

She's twice divorced from skirt chasers and left her Ex's everything. No contest. That's how she rolls.
Not every woman is a split tongue viper out for themselves.
But many are.
 
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