Jason... The cat, the killer, the bodybuilder

[rivrrts429]

So I thought I'd share this story of my cat Jason and his bodybuilding obsession. This cat had to have been sent to me from a relative long passed who hates me LOL

Quick background... I fucking hate cats! They roam at night pissing, shitting, whoring, and fighting. They only get close enough for you to have to stretch to your max to pet them and then they turn and flip you off with their asshole. They suck!

So my wife had 2 cats who were both indoor and outdoor. One day I come home from work and one of the cats has gone ape shit on itself chewing it's hair out, flipping and bouncing, then nothing... He died right in front of me. I through him in a box and dumped him at Stater Bros before the wife arrived home.

The second cat soon after disappears. Never to be seen again (or so I thought).

Introduce Jason. He shows up one day while I'm working in the garage. I keep bootin him out but he keeps coming back for more and each time more aggressive. Finally I kick him out and shut the garage. Later that night I'm inside watching tv and I here something come in the doggy door. The only problem is both dogs are laying at my feet sleeping. You guessed it, this fucker has come into the house and is ready to take flight on my dogs. He's all puffed up walking sideways and ready to drop blows. So I boot him again and lock the doggy door for the night.

The next morning I'm leaving for work and guess who is posted up on my door mat. Yep... Jason. Only now he has a half eaten squirrel that he's left me. This goes on for a month! Each morning he's chillin at my doorstep with some kind of half eaten wildlife. Possum, squirrel, gopher, etc...

I finally give in and let the cat start hanging out. Then one day he shows up with something unique. Remember the one cat we had that disappeared never to be seen. Yep... Jason had brought me his fucking HEAD! WTF kinda sick cat is this!

To make a long story longer... Every morning this cat works out, as in fitness working out! He spends about 20 minutes every morning digging his claws into the fence and then dragging his dead weight along working out his chest. He's buff as hell and I hope the pics convey his chest size. I now sleep with one eye open because I'm pretty sure this is the devil cat.

Does this look or sound normal?

 

[Outlaw]

And you let him in your house. WTF?

Bringing kill to the door is normal
Around here, kitty heads not so much

 

[whiteworks]

He looks cross eyed LOL

 

[soupersonic]

So I thought I'd share this story of my cat Jason and his bodybuilding obsession. This cat had to have been sent to me from a relative long passed who hates me LOL

Quick background... I fucking hate cats! They roam at night pissing, shitting, whoring, and fighting. They only get close enough for you to have to stretch to your max to pet them and then they turn and flip you off with their asshole. They suck!

So my wife had 2 cats who were both indoor and outdoor. One day I come home from work and one of the cats has gone ape shit on itself chewing it's hair out, flipping and bouncing, then nothing... He died right in front of me. I through him in a box and dumped him at Stater Bros before the wife arrived home.

The second cat soon after disappears. Never to be seen again (or so I thought).

Introduce Jason. He shows up one day while I'm working in the garage. I keep bootin him out but he keeps coming back for more and each time more aggressive. Finally I kick him out and shut the garage. Later that night I'm inside watching tv and I here something come in the doggy door. The only problem is both dogs are laying at my feet sleeping. You guessed it, this fucker has come into the house and is ready to take flight on my dogs. He's all puffed up walking sideways and ready to drop blows. So I boot him again and lock the doggy door for the night.

The next morning I'm leaving for work and guess who is posted up on my door mat. Yep... Jason. Only now he has a half eaten squirrel that he's left me. This goes on for a month! Each morning he's chillin at my doorstep with some kind of half eaten wildlife. Possum, squirrel, gopher, etc...

I finally give in and let the cat start hanging out. Then one day he shows up with something unique. Remember the one cat we had that disappeared never to be seen. Yep... Jason had brought me his fucking HEAD! WTF kinda sick cat is this!

To make a long story longer... Every morning this cat works out, as in fitness working out! He spends about 20 minutes every morning digging his claws into the fence and then dragging his dead weight along working out his chest. He's buff as hell and I hope the pics convey his chest size. I now sleep with one eye open because I'm pretty sure this is the devil cat.

Does this look or sound normal?

View attachment 243867
View attachment 243868

Most cats will bring you the spoils of their hunt in appreciation of you, hes earning his keep so to speak. Too bad you dont like cats he looks awesome and he likes you.

 

[was thatguy]

That bastard has some GUNS on him!!

We keep working cats, only ever had One that killed another one for sure.

 

[djunkie]

Did he kill the poor kid on the couch?

 

[SoCalDave]

looks like he does have some pretty big forearms there. His look in those pics says don't f with me...hope that is not a kid in the background but a doll. I wouldn't let a animal with that rap sheet in my house with kids around!

 

[rivrrts429]

That bastard has some GUNS on him!!

We keep working cats, only ever had One that killed another one for sure.

This bastard is like the Crip of the cat gangsta world. He's a real life catbanger that works out prison style! I got to get video of him hitting the gym

Did he kill the poor kid on the couch?

LMAO

 

[was thatguy]

The cat bought his way in, the kid is safe.

Our Cats are all outside, but they get some time each day in the house.
They all have second homes, we are convinced.

 

[was thatguy]

This bastard is like the Crip of the cat gangsta world. He's a real life catbanger that works out prison style! I got to get video of him hitting the gym

My wife will love this story.:thumbsup
She is pretty well convinced our oldest Cat (5 years maybe? It's the ranch record) was a person before being a cat. Or maybe a dog. He acts like a dog sometimes, or like a person sometimes with real attitude. He gets mad, sad, hurt, playful, ornery, the full gamut.
Please post up video! That would be awesome!

 

[DaytonaBabe]

Omg, I love Jason!!! Kickass cat! We definitely need video of the workout routine!






Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S3 using Tapatalk

 

[t&y]

You're a gonner. He's just waiting for the right moment.

 

[Outnumbered]

AZGeo to the white courtesy phone please... paging AZGeo... Mr. Geo to the white courtesy phone...

:rotflmao::fingers:

 

[Lunatic Fringe]

Are you familiar with the Steven King novel, Pet Cemetary?:rolleyes

 

[ductape1000]

Awesome story!! Jason is kool! He likes you guys. :thumbup:

 

[RiverDave]

How would a cat decapitate another cat? I mean severing a head would take some doing even for a person?

If it was me I'd throw him in the car and take him to a relatives house I didn't like. I'm pretty sure he's gonna kill you and put another notch in his belt before moving onto the neighbors..

RD

 

[AzGeo]

Maybe he was friends with your old cat, and saw what happened to him. Can't recall one cat killing another, usually one of them will finally run/limp away from a bad fight. But when dogs, coyotes and people get ahold of cats, you may only find the head. Had a cat like him back in Calif., we called him Buddy. Laid out on his belly across the floor he was almost 4' long, and all muscle. He was the 'protector' of all the smaller, younger cats in our 'hood'. We took him in one evening when he came to our patio with 3 swollen legs and feet. He had gotten into a fight and his cuts were 'oozing and sore'. Took him into the garage, squeezed out the puss, cleaned everything with peroxide, (hurt like hell his eyes were waterin') put some bandages on his feet, and all the while he just laid there and looked up at me. He never left after that night. Tough as hell on the streets, wanted to jump up on my lap every night to watch TV and purr. Don't try to control, just interact with this cat and see what he likes. Once you two find a 'common ground', he may hang out with you just like a dog, just like my Rocky follows and watches me do things around the house and garage. Here's Rocky laying in the sun, waiting for some 'cookies' to be delivered.

 

[was thatguy]

How would a cat decapitate another cat? I mean severing a head would take some doing even for a person?

If it was me I'd throw him in the car and take him to a relatives house I didn't like. I'm pretty sure he's gonna kill you and put another notch in his belt before moving onto the neighbors..

RD

They eat the rest of it and leave the head. Took him a while to eat it all, plus the other rodents gnawing on it.
Our cats always leave the head for last on rodents and whatever they kill.

This is Ozzy. 5 years old and the record holder for age at our house.
He actually killed the kitten he grew up with when they were almost a year old. (We get them 2 at a time)

His vet record reads like Patrick Swazi's medical records in the movie roadhouse.

I don't know how many stitches total, ears all bit to hell, tail bit half off twice.
He has been in the ICU at least 2-3 times with mystery illnesses from killing and eating stuff.
He was on intravenous anti-biotics for 5 days this fall after he got half his ass bit off by something.

I'll try to find the picture of him with a big bandage across his ass.

This fucker drags up after being gone a few days and you never know how bad he will be hurt.

We left him outside and went to CO in the winter for 30 days......twice. He survived just fine and rolled up a few days after we got home.
PISSED OFF! But alive and basically OK, maybe needed a few stitches.

(He doesn't wear the collar, Deb tried to dress him up for a pic, he tore that right off)
He is looking at a fawn on the porch in this pic.

Here he is last Christmas. I did not do anything with the pic, that is how it took.
Tell me that ain't freaky....

 

[Ultra28]

Wow, that cat is pretty bad ass. I think my wife's grandmas cat should start working out too. Check out this fat f$cker.

 

[rivrrts429]

I have no idea if he killed our old cat or not. I live out in the "sticks" so I guess it could be one hell of a coincidence that he just so happened upon its head from a previous coyote kill or something.

I should also say that this could be the first cat ever that I'm good with. He trips me out. Him and I are chill. He knows my truck and comes running from wherever when he hears me.

I think WAS THATGUY is right about earning his keep. He wouldn't hurt any one of us despite the dead kid in the pictures This cat is a straight hustler and is going to pull his weight. I just wish I knew his story. Where he came from etc...

If nothing else this is good record keeping if I one day come up missing

 

[rivrrts429]

Wow, that cat is pretty bad ass. I think my wife's grandmas cat should start working out too. Check out this fat f$cker.

Son of a bitch! That bastard needs to lay off the egg nog

I'll see if Jason can put together a routine for that dude :skull

 

[Cajun]

That's a good looking cat.

 

[Outnumbered]

If this thread does not prove cats are demons from Hell, I don't know what does:skull

 

[AzGeo]

If this thread does not prove cats are demons from Hell, I don't know what does:skull

Here we go again, HA HA HA Those eyes are not 'of the devil' that's how cats see to HUNT at night. I hope this doesn't start a 'cat and witch hunt' around here, it's bad enough with all the 'gun haters', now we're going after all the pussies with big tails ?

 

[YoPengo]

You all need to read this thread started by HM.

http://www.riverdavesplace.com/forums/showthread.php?87797-do-you-know-who-the-real-murderers-are

 

[Outnumbered]

You all need to read this thread started by HM.

http://www.riverdavesplace.com/forums/showthread.php?87797-do-you-know-who-the-real-murderers-are

That's good stuff

 

[rivrrts429]

If this thread does not prove cats are demons from Hell, I don't know what does:skull

LMAO

 

[MissB]

OMG that is one funny cat, not a "cat" person but he seems like a cool kitty! Love the name

 

[Boozer]

If Jason is going to be allowed in your house and around your family I would seriously consider having him vaccinated, especially when you consider Jason?s rap sheet.


A few months ago my sister in laws best friend Becky was attacked by her own cat. Apparently she had had this cat since it was a kitten and the cat was as friendly as can be. Becky woke up and let the cat in the house as she usually does on most mornings. On this particular morning the cat jumped on Becky and started attacking her. Luckily Becky?s roommate was home and heard all of the commotion, the roommate was able to rip the cat off of Becky and lock it in a bathroom.

Becky had to have over 200 stitches. She has now undergone several rounds of plastic surgery to repair the damage done to her face by the cat. I was told the cat damn near ripped her lips off and there were flaps of skin hanging from her face. Becky?s arms were also shredded by the cat. Had Becky?s roommate not been home at the time the cat may have killed her.

Animal control suspected that Becky?s cat had eaten a squirrel or other rodent that was infected with rabies, the cat contracted the rabies and went crazy.

 

[Outnumbered]

I think I found Jason...

 

[SBMech]

Bad ass cat! You don't need to be afraid, unless you are an abuser...he looks like he could fuck you up

My 20 pounder works out similarly, hangs off his cat tree and shuffles around it. Then procedes to run apeshit all over everything in the house, jumping over our 4 foot couch (clearing it) to the other side and then grabs a toy out of his box and butalizes it...

Feed him well...lol:thumbsup

 

[was thatguy]

If Jason is going to be allowed in your house and around your family I would seriously consider having him vaccinated, especially when you consider Jason?s rap sheet.


A few months ago my sister in laws best friend Becky was attacked by her own cat. Apparently she had had this cat since it was a kitten and the cat was as friendly as can be. Becky woke up and let the cat in the house as she usually does on most mornings. On this particular morning the cat jumped on Becky and started attacking her. Luckily Becky?s roommate was home and heard all of the commotion, the roommate was able to rip the cat off of Becky and lock it in a bathroom.

Becky had to have over 200 stitches. She has now undergone several rounds of plastic surgery to repair the damage done to her face by the cat. I was told the cat damn near ripped her lips off and there were flaps of skin hanging from her face. Becky?s arms were also shredded by the cat. Had Becky?s roommate not been home at the time the cat may have killed her.

Animal control suspected that Becky?s cat had eaten a squirrel or other rodent that was infected with rabies, the cat contracted the rabies and went crazy.

Wow, that would be a dead cat on the spot! Horrible story.

But a good point. Outside cats require WAY more veterinarian attention than a house cat.
Ours actually DO hunt for a good deal of their food, at least the 2 younger ones.
That Black bastard is sort of retiring as of late.

They split a can of wet food in the evening as a "treat", we don't put any food out at night because the racoons just come and take it.
They get about a half cup of dry food apiece each morning.

"Fast Jack" is the best hunter, by far. He eats good on moles.
This was last summer, He is bigger now. He will sit on a mole hole if he hears them, Then pounce and literally drag them out of the ground.

 

[JBS]

So here is my question. How do you find a cat like Jason?

We recently moved into the Arcadia area of Phoenix. These are irrigated lots with lots of Citrus trees. From what we are told Roof Rats are an issue and a Cat like Jason can be quite a deterrent. The problem lies in how do you find a cat that hunts. This cat will be outside with access to the detached shop/Garage. We have no interest in a house cat. This cat needs to work.

Suggestions?

 

[jayboat]

That is one cool kitty. Jason is kinda gay dontcha think, I'd call him Rocky or Spike.

A friend's parents had a farm in North Georgia and their big barn tabby got knocked up by a bobcat.
Hubert was the pick of the litter- a huge gray tabby about the size of a bobcat but heftier and with the same kind of feet.

He was sweet as he could be, but if you didn't know that, he was one intimidating mofo.
Loved to play with him with a tennis ball- damn, he was like a gray blur he was so fast.

 

[rivrrts429]

Wow, that would be a dead cat on the spot! Horrible story.

But a good point. Outside cats require WAY more veterinarian attention than a house cat.
Ours actually DO hunt for a good deal of their food, at least the 2 younger ones.
That Black bastard is sort of retiring as of late.

They split a can of wet food in the evening as a "treat", we don't put any food out at night because the racoons just come and take it.
They get about a half cup of dry food apiece each morning.

"Fast Jack" is the best hunter, by far. He eats good on moles.
This was last summer, He is bigger now. He will sit on a mole hole if he hears them, Then pounce and literally drag them out of the ground.

That's funny you say this about the moles. I watched Jason one day listen for a gopher underground. He had his ears perched and the second that gopher peeped his head Jason swiped him and flung it across the yard. Then ate the fucker and rolled in the dirt.

It's true, they have reflexes of a cat and speed of a mongoose.

I forgot to share what this fucker did about a month ago. I had just gotten home from work again. I'm checking bills on the counter and opening a beer. All of a sudden I hear this god awful screeching noise but I can't tell where it's coming from. I live in a single story ranch style home so sound doesn't travel well through the house. Anyways, I'm looking outside trying to figure out where it's coming from and then it stops. So I go about my usual business.

Fast forward a few hours and now the entire family is home being all crazy and shit before bedtime when all of a sudden that screeching noise is back. Except now it's coming from my living room area. This noise was pretty indescribable, I mean a seriously nasty almost death sound. So while the kids are freaking the fuck out and my wife is screaming for me to find where it's coming from I locate Jason and the noise!

He had somehow managed to drag an alive RABBIT in my home! Not only that but Mr. Peter Rabbit is a bloody mess and Jason's claw is hooked through its ear. So Jason is pulling back in one direction and the Easter bunny is pulling the other way all the while this fucked up high pitched noise is whaling from this rabbits lungs! And my kids and wife are freaking out which in turn turns me into a panicky little bitch LOL.

I'm not sure how I separated the two but I flung Jason outside and then found the rabbit, grabbed it by its ears and flung it outside. Never saw the rabbit again.

My 3 year old daughter now hates Easter season LOL

 

[rivrrts429]

So here is my question. How do you find a cat like Jason?

We recently moved into the Arcadia area of Phoenix. These are irrigated lots with lots of Citrus trees. From what we are told Roof Rats are an issue and a Cat like Jason can be quite a deterrent. The problem lies in how do you find a cat that hunts. This cat will be outside with access to the detached shop/Garage. We have no interest in a house cat. This cat needs to work.

Suggestions?

There are a lot of ranches around me. I suspect that's where he came from. He's pretty much ours now since he's always hanging out at our pad.

I'm thinking you don't find a working cat at a pet store. You need to go to an inner city shit hole shelter and find one that's a year or two old. Preferably one with screwed up ears and scratched face. If he's got a big chest he's probably been locked up for a while and ready to get out and do work.

 

[rivrrts429]

That is one cool kitty. Jason is kinda gay dontcha think, I'd call him Rocky or Spike.

I got the name from this big ass homegrown football jock dude I went to school with 15 years ago. He was dumb as shit but loved to fight.

Plus I don't have balls to tell this cat his name sounds kinda Gay LOL

 

[Outlaw]

So here is my question. How do you find a cat like Jason?

We recently moved into the Arcadia area of Phoenix. These are irrigated lots with lots of Citrus trees. From what we are told Roof Rats are an issue and a Cat like Jason can be quite a deterrent. The problem lies in how do you find a cat that hunts. This cat will be outside with access to the detached shop/Garage. We have no interest in a house cat. This cat needs to work.

Suggestions?

If they are Hungry they will hunt! when we get a new cat, I trap a gopher or mole and give it to them, after they taste these fine creatures they will sit by the holes for hours waiting to get another.
I also give them cat food, but not enough to fill them up

 

[Caydens Cat]

which in turn turns me into a panicky little bitch LOL.

You sir -are HILARIOUS! That's one bad ass cat.

Rabbit screams are an eye opener... sounds like a baby crying it's heart out.

 

[was thatguy]

We get them from the shelter, or rescuers. Always 2 at a time, always kittens. The Big Black Bastard has no tolerance for the small ones, but they have learned to stay alive from watching him.

The rescuers (or Cat People as we call them) can be temperamental. They want the kitties to live inside with a fur lined bed and a dinner bell to ring.
We try to pick the ones that have had the hardest time of it. Jack was from shithole house with like 10 kittens running wild in a cage.

Jeggy was a mess at the shelter, he had all kinds of shit wrong with him. took a while to get him straightened out medical wise.

Here is Jeggy,

He likes the fireplace. He is a goofy cat, he "trots" straight leg and is always kind of "hopping" while he trots.
Reminds you of Tigger. Very big and very nice looking cat, best climber I have ever seen. He will SHOOT straight up a tree at top speed and I have seen him on every rooftop on the property.

Does Jason "call" birds?? We had a Gold long hair that would climb up ladders and call in birds. He would make this weird face and kind of chirp. Freakiest thing I ever saw a cat do.

 

[rivrrts429]

Yep. He gets this crazy face like he's growling like a dog then starts chattering his jaw and making a chirping noise. I guess this stuff is normal.

I could become a cat dude (damn that sounds gay) if every cat was like Jason. Sounds like you and I have the same type of lion pride.

 

[YoPengo]

Jason... Have you met Bobo?

 

[JBS]

There are a lot of ranches around me. I suspect that's where he came from. He's pretty much ours now since he's always hanging out at our pad.

I'm thinking you don't find a working cat at a pet store. You need to go to an inner city shit hole shelter and find one that's a year or two old. Preferably one with screwed up ears and scratched face. If he's got a big chest he's probably been locked up for a while and ready to get out and do work.

If they are Hungry they will hunt! when we get a new cat, I trap a gopher or mole and give it to them, after they taste these fine creatures they will sit by the holes for hours waiting to get another.
I also give them cat food, but not enough to fill them up

Both ideas sound like great advice. I think I will go find the scrappy cat take him home an introduce him to something with fur II will feed the cat so he stays around but he is going to need to work if he wants to get fat.

Any preference between male and female for the job I am looking to fill?

 

[J5Daytona]

I got the name from this big ass homegrown football jock dude I went to school with 15 years ago. He was dumb as shit but loved to fight.

Plus I don't have balls to tell this cat his name sounds kinda Gay LOL

I was thinking you named him after Jason in friday the 13th being a mass murderer and all

 

[rivrrts429]

Both ideas sound like great advice. I think I will go find the scrappy cat take him home an introduce him to something with fur II will feed the cat so he stays around but he is going to need to work if he wants to get fat.

Any preference between male and female for the job I am looking to fill?

Idk what sex of cat is better. Never paid any attention to them until now. Jason is a dude if that matters.

 

[rivrrts429]

I was thinking you named him after Jason in friday the 13th being a mass murderer and all

LOL. That'll be his new legacy lol

 

[rivrrts429]

Jason... Have you met Bobo?

Bobo ain't shit! That fucker has a hard enough time keeping those toothpick legs healed LMAO

 

[was thatguy]

Both ideas sound like great advice. I think I will go find the scrappy cat take him home an introduce him to something with fur II will feed the cat so he stays around but he is going to need to work if he wants to get fat.

Any preference between male and female for the job I am looking to fill?

We only get males, and have them fixed.

Don't know if males are better or not but thats all we get.

 

[RogerThat99]

I have a cat that looks like yours, but all white. He was a 3rd generation Ferrell cat from my MIL's house. He was the only one of 2 litters that would let my kids pet him...just for a second. So we trapped him, got him fixed, and brought him home. He has been a good cat and lives about half his life down the storm drains. We will be driving through the neighborhood and see his head sticking out of a drain somewhere. All the neighbors call him Hogan because he has the tunnel network all figured out and uses it. We call him Bubba. I always see raccoons in the storm drains also. I guess he has learned to coexist with them. LOL. Since we got a dog, he sticks around the house more and has become kind of high maintenence...wants in the garage then wants out of the garage...etc.. I am looking for a new home for him. I dont like cats, but I have tolerated him. When the dog needs to go outside and the cat is in the yard, the cat wont budge and stands his ground (this is the first dog i have had that I havent trained to hate and attack cats. It keeps the neighborhood cats out of the yard). So I use a big stick to keep them separated like I am herding circus animals. LOL. If someone in NorCal wants him, PM me.

sent from a Samsung Galaxy S3 using Tapatalk.

 

[McRib]

All ur questions will be answered here...

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