why do smart women do dumb things when it comes to men?

[Yellowboat]

Long story short found out today that a good friend got engaged to a guy that is flat out worthless. She knows he is worthless, just can't keep away from him. He is not physically abuse(i would flat out kill him if he hit her), but he is abusive in other ways.


Thats not what gets my goat, what gets my goat is I found about it from her mother and it happened 5 weeks ago. Now this is some one I talk to regularly thru text, at least once a week in person. I honestly not sure what to do at this point, I will not be going to the wedding thats for sure, but I am having a real hard time with the not telling aspect. This is some one I trusted with things I told no one else and she was the same. Example she not only knows what my health is like, she is some one that has driven me to appointments. My mother does not even know I am sick. Most of my friends don't even know what I have. She also has detjails of my dating life that only 1 other person in the world knows.



Well rant over. Going to stew on it for awhile.

 

[shintoooo]

Daddy Issues

 

[TPC]

Girls want wrong.
Smart ones eventually figure that out,,,, the hard way.

 

[Joker]

It took our daughter 1.5 years to understand what I was trying to tell her. She made the choice on her own to move on.:thumbsup

 

[Yellowboat]

I honestly think with her its he is the 1st guy to give her the time of day... he was married oncebefore. It ended badly in under 2 years, he has mommy issues as the women is bipolar. Its why I can't go to the wedding. I would stand up and say something. Its funny he didn't ask her until she basically got a business. That truns a 500-700k a year propfit for less then 3 years worth of profit.... the 2 mill in just hard goods was ignored in sale price(family deal).


Every thing about this stinks.

 

[bk2drvr]

Love is blind! If she is a good friend and you try and talk her out of being with him you will eventually lose her as a friend or she will become more distant a friend. You can't change people or make them think like you do. You have to let them make their mistakes on their own and then you have to choose whether you are going to continue to have a friendship with her or not based on her life choices.

If she's young then maybe this will pass and she will move on one day. If she's older and has some life experience under her belt then she should know better.

Good luck.

 

[Wmc]

I don't know, let me ask my wife Wendi

 

[bk2drvr]

I don't know, let me ask my wife Wendi

:lmao

 

[CampbellCarl]

I'll bet that this gets your goad more than your goat...

<<< is betting that your goat don't give a shit...

 

[plaster dave]

It took our daughter 1.5 years to understand what I was trying to tell her. She made the choice on her own to move on.:thumbsup

What "we" we're telling her. [emoji57]

 

[Yellowboat]

Love is blind! If she is a good friend and you try and talk her out of being with him you will eventually lose her as a friend or she will become more distant a friend. You can't change people or make them think like you do. You have to let them make their mistakes on their own and then you have to choose whether you are going to continue to have a friendship with her or not based on her life choices.

If she's young then maybe this will pass and she will move on one day. If she's older and has some life experience under her belt then she should know better.

Good luck.

28, honestly her not telling me already changed things. That means for the last 3 weeks she had to remove the ring. Known the family 30+ years and they are close


Its not just me, every one dislikes him. Lets just say I have wittnessed him making her cry more thrn once. Even my grandmother who knows the family well, never met the guy and she told her to send him packing. Just from her telling her about him.

 

[spectra3279]

Talk to her and make sure the business and everything stays in her name

 

[bk2drvr]

28, honestly her not telling me already changed things. That means for the last 3 weeks she had to remove the ring. Known the family 30+ years and they are close


Its not just me, every one dislikes him. Lets just say I have wittnessed him making her cry more thrn once. Even my grandmother who knows the family well, never met the guy and she told her to send him packing. Just from her telling her about him.

Yep that sucks for sure. He sounds like a db and if a bunch of people have a bad vibe about him them the vibe is probably correct. Chicks do this shit all the time. She's still young IMO. But I know that doesn't fix anything. Good luck. I will say this though, if she is a good friend and means a lot to you then you should not abandon the friendship because of this even though she may be embarrassed to confront you about it. Take the high road for now unless something you can't live with arises. Just my opinion.

 

[lakemadness]

Did I miss where you said you were invited to the wedding?

 

[Yellowboat]

I am, but I won't go. I can not and will not be part of something I firmly believe is wrong. I am not even so sure I will be around to pick up the pieces. Which is odd for me as I am normally the person people turn too to help with that. Not knowing and having her remove the ring when she is around me is a pretty bad.violation of trust in my mind.



This really is one of those deals where you hate to be right. I just really hope this is not happening do to a positive test.

 

[Joker]

I received a lot of support from a few members here, some who have been through this and some that will go through this.
You have no control. Do not make someone choose a side.

 

[GRADS]

He's got a big dick.

 

[GRADS]

Long story short found out today that a good friend got engaged to a guy that is flat out worthless.

Thats not what gets my goat, what gets my goat is I found about it from her mother and it happened 5 weeks ago.

Did I miss where you said you were invited to the wedding?

I am, but I won't go.

:headscratch:


One question..... Did she steal your lexiut too?:hmm

 

[shintoooo]

He's got a big dick.

Is he an old boyfriend of yours? [emoji3]

 

[Boozer]

I think it's shitty that you're not going to your friends wedding because she's marrying a guy you don't approve of.

Maybe the guy is a total DB and maybe he'll end up running her through the mud but right now he is what she wants and she deserves to get what she wants.

If you're a real friend you'll put your ego aside, leave your personal feelings at home, show up to your friends wedding and have a good time.

 

[River Runnin]

Why do smart women do dumb things when it comes to men?

Probably an awesome orgasm! :smackhead

 

[Bigbore500r]

Age old situation...

Girls will bang, date and sometimes marry douchebags...they meet the nice guys for lunch to vent about it.

She didn't tell you because she knows how you'll react.

A girl will always choose her relationship over a friend, especially if it's "new". Don't give her the cold shoulder unless you are comfortable loosing her.

Don't take this personal...but If I was him, Id be asking "who's that yellowboat guy" and I'd have a hard time believing you weren't trying to get in her pants in a round-about way.

It's pretty rare for guys to have close friends that are chicks, that they :
A- haven't banged
B- aren't currently banging
C- aren't keeping around to bang in the future "just in case"

 

[Yellowboat]

Age old situation...

Girls will bang, date and sometimes marry douchebags...they meet the nice guys for lunch to vent about it.

She didn't tell you because she knows how you'll react.

A girl will always choose her relationship over a friend, especially if it's "new". Don't give her the cold shoulder unless you are comfortable loosing her.

Don't take this personal...but If I was him, Id be asking "who's that yellowboat guy" and I'd have a hard time believing you weren't trying to get in her pants in a round-about way.

It's pretty rare for guys to have close friends that are chicks, that they :
A- haven't banged
B- aren't currently banging
C- aren't keeping around to bang in the future "just in case"

Funny you mention it, her dad wanted me too date her. I never could becuase they are clients and my health issuses. Its not fair to some one to date someone on barrowed time.

I know she has told him whats going on and why I could never date her.

 

[Yellowboat]

I think it's shitty that you're not going to your friends wedding because she's marrying a guy you don't approve of.

Maybe the guy is a total DB and maybe he'll end up running her through the mud but right now he is what she wants and she deserves to get what she wants.

If you're a real friend you'll put your ego aside, leave your personal feelings at home, show up to your friends wedding and have a good time.

Thats not why, its the lieing and not telling me that is. That was enough for me to have real doubts about her. If she had came out and told me. I would have said" you already know how I feel about it. I wish you the best of luck" I have always been honest with her, I expect the same.

 

[Outdrive1]

Long story short found out today that a good friend got engaged to a guy that is flat out worthless. She knows he is worthless, just can't keep away from him. He is not physically abuse(i would flat out kill him if he hit her), but he is abusive in other ways.


Thats not what gets my goat, what gets my goat is I found about it from her mother and it happened 5 weeks ago. Now this is some one I talk to regularly thru text, at least once a week in person. I honestly not sure what to do at this point, I will not be going to the wedding thats for sure, but I am having a real hard time with the not telling aspect. This is some one I trusted with things I told no one else and she was the same. Example she not only knows what my health is like, she is some one that has driven me to appointments. My mother does not even know I am sick. Most of my friends don't even know what I have. She also has detjails of my dating life that only 1 other person in the world knows.



Well rant over. Going to stew on it for awhile.

Found out what happened 5 weeks ago?

So your mad because she knows personal things about you and you had to find out about some secret from her mom?

Your mom friends and family don't know your sick but you put it in a public forum?


I can't imagine what the dating life details are.


This is gonna be a great thread!!! Yellow Boat is back!

 

[djunkie]

Found out what happened 5 weeks ago?

So your mad because she knows personal things about you and you had to find out about some secret from her mom?

Your mom friends and family don't know your sick but you put it in a public forum?


I can't imagine what the dating life details are.


This is gonna be a great thread!!! Yellow Boat is back!

Lol.

 

[Outdrive1]

I honestly think with her its he is the 1st guy to give her the time of day... he was married oncebefore. It ended badly in under 2 years, he has mommy issues as the women is bipolar. Its why I can't go to the wedding. I would stand up and say something. Its funny he didn't ask her until she basically got a business. That truns a 500-700k a year propfit for less then 3 years worth of profit.... the 2 mill in just hard goods was ignored in sale price(family deal).


Every thing about this stinks.

I can't. Lol. This one is better than the first one.

Which girl is bipolar? Ex wife or friend? Or you? Lol.

So she bought a family business with 2 million in hard goods that no one knew about? How does that happen?

She somehow has the money to buy a business that turns 700k a year profit with at minimum 2 million in hard goods.

 

[Outdrive1]

Hurry. I think I just heard the Lexuit start.

 

[Joker]

Lol.

Are you waiting for pics?

 

[djunkie]

Are you waiting for pics?

I've given up hope.

 

[Outdrive1]

Are you waiting for pics?

I'm sure she's a looker. [emoji106][emoji7]

 

[2FORCEFULL]

Long story short found out today that a good friend got engaged to a guy that is flat out worthless. She knows he is worthless, just can't keep away from him. He is not physically abuse(i would flat out kill him if he hit her), but he is abusive in other ways.


Thats not what gets my goat, what gets my goat is I found about it from her mother and it happened 5 weeks ago. Now this is some one I talk to regularly thru text, at least once a week in person. I honestly not sure what to do at this point, I will not be going to the wedding thats for sure, but I am having a real hard time with the not telling aspect. This is some one I trusted with things I told no one else and she was the same. Example she not only knows what my health is like, she is some one that has driven me to appointments. My mother does not even know I am sick. Most of my friends don't even know what I have. She also has detjails of my dating life that only 1 other person in the world knows.



Well rant over. Going to stew on it for awhile.

so why didn't you marry her?

 

[Joker]

I've given up hope.

this never gets old. [emoji106]

 

[RiverDave]

Found out what happened 5 weeks ago?

So your mad because she knows personal things about you and you had to find out about some secret from her mom?

Your mom friends and family don't know your sick but you put it in a public forum?

I have to admit that is a pretty valid point..



Kind of seems stupid to be mad about the fact that you "found out" instead of being told. I suspect it has more to do with the fact that you disapprove of the dude.

RD

 

[Yellowboat]

its the lieing to me that really bothers me. no one approves of him. its was her actions while I was there that sealed the deal for me.


lots of back story and details that are not in this thread.

 

[RiverDave]

Well I guess that depends if you distinguish not telling vs a lie.. Etc.. I get it's a grey area and hiding rings etc.. But that's a pendulum and relative at best.

 

[Yellowboat]

not telling is one thing, actively hiding it from me is something else. lieing to my face Is what I have a issue with.

 

[2FORCEFULL]

not telling is one thing, actively hiding it from me is something else. lieing to my face Is what I have a issue with.

maybe she had an idea how you'd react..................

 

[2FORCEFULL]

Long story short found out today that a good friend got engaged to a guy that is flat out worthless. She knows he is worthless, just can't keep away from him. He is not physically abuse(i would flat out kill him if he hit her), but he is abusive in other ways.


Thats not what gets my goat, what gets my goat is I found about it from her mother and it happened 5 weeks ago. Now this is some one I talk to regularly thru text, at least once a week in person. I honestly not sure what to do at this point, I will not be going to the wedding thats for sure, but I am having a real hard time with the not telling aspect. This is some one I trusted with things I told no one else and she was the same. Example she not only knows what my health is like, she is some one that has driven me to appointments. My mother does not even know I am sick. Most of my friends don't even know what I have. She also has detjails of my dating life that only 1 other person in the world knows.



Well rant over. Going to stew on it for awhile.

do you really want the board to fill in all the blanks


" I've been seeing this chick, we can't have sex cause I have ########,.. she' know that I'm%%%%%,... and has kept the secret...my mom doesn't even know...
she now all of a sudden , has decided to move on to a more normal relation ship...I feel ***** , and she knows things about me ...

what should I do ?


please fill in the blanks

 

[530RL]

Meh, everyone is entitled to one starter marriage.

 

[cicchetti_24]

Long story short found out today that a good friend got engaged to a guy that is flat out worthless. She knows he is worthless, just can't keep away from him. He is not physically abuse(i would flat out kill him if he hit her), but he is abusive in other ways.


Thats not what gets my goat, what gets my goat is I found about it from her mother and it happened 5 weeks ago. Now this is some one I talk to regularly thru text, at least once a week in person. I honestly not sure what to do at this point, I will not be going to the wedding thats for sure, but I am having a real hard time with the not telling aspect. This is some one I trusted with things I told no one else and she was the same. Example she not only knows what my health is like, she is some one that has driven me to appointments. My mother does not even know I am sick. Most of my friends don't even know what I have. She also has detjails of my dating life that only 1 other person in the world knows.



Well rant over. Going to stew on it for awhile.

Serious question are you in love with this chick? Reading your post that is what I am really getting from it. I'm not being a dick about it.

 

[cicchetti_24]

Meh, everyone is entitled to one starter marriage.

Yup! took me 8 years! But hey the next one will be good....I hope... Knock on fiberglass

 

[Yellowboat]

Serious question are you in love with this chick? Reading your post that is what I am really getting from it. I'm not being a dick about it.

Not at all.

If anything. She was like I was me. In love with some one that should not be in a relationship and ignoring all the red flags. Mine ended in me getting a life time restraining order against her for domestic violence. I can't see here having to do that, but its going to be ugly.

His exwife won't even give a priest her contact info becuase she is afraid he would get it. That in itself is spooky. Yet no one knows why he got divorced. Neither him or his family will talk about it.


Like I said spooky.


Ps no I am not projecting my exp on her. I have seen him make her cry on several occasions. Not small stuff, but big things that he should know better.

 

[Yellowboat]

maybe she had an idea how you'd react..................

My feelings on this are well known too her. She should know my reaction would be "I wish you the best of luck"

 

[cicchetti_24]

Not at all.

If anything. She was like I was me. In love with some one that should not be in a relationship and ignoring all the red flags. Mine ended in me getting a life time restraining order against her for domestic violence. I can't see here having to do that, but its going to be ugly.

His exwife won't even give a priest her contact info becuase she is afraid he would get it. That in itself is spooky. Yet no one knows why he got divorced. Neither him or his family will talk about it.


Like I said spooky.


Ps no I am not projecting my exp on her. I have seen him make her cry on several occasions. Not small stuff, but big things that he should know better.

Just beat his ass and call it a day

 

[2FORCEFULL]

My feelings on this are well known too her. She should know my reaction would be "I wish you the best of luck"

so why not just use that reaction now?

 

[Tooms22]

Thats not why, its the lieing and not telling me that is. That was enough for me to have real doubts about her. If she had came out and told me. I would have said" you already know how I feel about it. I wish you the best of luck" I have always been honest with her, I expect the same.

If you guys are that close of friends, maybe she seeks your approval or values your opinion. But her interest in this guy has overruled your opinion and approval. So she doesn't want to confront the disappointment and let down she's going to get from you when you two discuss it. Like you said... she already knows how you feel. So maybe she just wants to avoid the situation in general because nothing good is going to come from it.

On another note, I had a guy tell me when I was 21 or 22 that all women look forward to and plan their wedding from a young age. I thought he was dick and was just stereotyping women. But I've come to realize in some capacity or another, women really put a ton of thought into their wedding and wedding day. This happens even before the right guy has entered the picture. So I've heard of tons of relationships that are terrible... and then all of a sudden engaged. Priorities sometimes look like this: 1) Wedding 2) The right guy.

I also think it's just as bad the other way. Women who are not good to men and for some reason that we can't figure out, the guy is over the top obsessed.

 

[AzGeo]

there are so many 'smart, beautiful, funny, honest, productive women all over this planet, looking for 'at least' a friend ???

"Great long time friend", does not tell you about pending marriage ?

Could being a witness to her abuses be one reason you are no longer 'included' ?

Have you been driving the WRONG WAY on a ONE WAY STREET, all these 'friendship years' ?

In closing, "A famous American Lothario once said; "Bitches be crazy" ! ................

 

[cicchetti_24]

there are so many 'smart, beautiful, funny, honest, productive women all over this planet, looking for 'at least' a friend ???

"Great long time friend", does not tell you about pending marriage ?

Could being a witness to her abuses be one reason you are no longer 'included' ?

Have you been driving the WRONG WAY on a ONE WAY STREET, all these 'friendship years' ?

In closing, "A famous American Lothario once said; "Bitches be crazy" ! ................

Amen!

My friends say I like them "50 Shades of Crazy"

 

[Yellowboat]

If you guys are that close of friends, maybe she seeks your approval or values your opinion. But her interest in this guy has overruled your opinion and approval. So she doesn't want to confront the disappointment and let down she's going to get from you when you two discuss it. Like you said... she already knows how you feel. So maybe she just wants to avoid the situation in general because nothing good is going to come from it.

On another note, I had a guy tell me when I was 21 or 22 that all women look forward to and plan their wedding from a young age. I thought he was dick and was just stereotyping women. But I've come to realize in some capacity or another, women really put a ton of thought into their wedding and wedding day. This happens even before the right guy has entered the picture. So I've heard of tons of relationships that are terrible... and then all of a sudden engaged. Priorities sometimes look like this: 1) Wedding 2) The right guy.

I also think it's just as bad the other way. Women who are not good to men and for some reason that we can't figure out, the guy is over the top obsessed.

its not just me that feels this way, every single long time friend/family has told her the same thing. I was just the one that stepped up and spoke out about it bluntly.