Need some help

[BHC Vic]

This is kind of a different post but rdp hasn’t really let me down yet, so I’m going to try. June was a rough month for carpenters. We lost a few brothers and two who I knew personally. Brother Dion at the water tank explosion, and last Friday or Saturday (I’m not 100% sure because I was out of town) one of my apprentices, Bryant Aguilar fell 40’ and passed away. He leaves behind a wife, a young daughter, and a baby on the way. Yesterday before leaving work I was asked by his wife if I would get up and say a few words at the service July 12. To be 100% honest I’m very honored, but in all honesty it’s not something I’m really comfortable with. I’m not good with words, I get very emotional, It’s hard for me. That being said I’m going to put that aside because what this woman is going through is a lot harder than whatever issues I think I have. So the reason I’m posting this is what do I say? I feel like I owe it to Bryant to say something meaningful. I know this is a weird post but there’s some people here that are really good with words. I know it needs to come from me and come from the hear but what kind of things do I say? Do I tell a funny story that reminds me of Bryant or is that inappropriate. I haven’t stopped thinking about it all night and in all honesty I think I’m still a little in shock and I’m not sure I’m thinking straight. I’ve been all over the place lately.

 

[Taboma]

Celebrate his life, rather than mourning his passing, thereby honoring him and at the same time, providing comfort to grieving others.

 

[TeamGreene]

In these sort of uncomfortable situations always use a little humor to help relieve the tension for you and everyone listening. Speak from the heart and you'll do just fine.

 

[Slats]

Grab a note pad and write things down.

A story of you two

How he affected your life or the life of others in a positive way

Funny story’s are ok as long as they are in good taste.

 

[azsunfun]

your the man that worked with and new them, what you say will COME from your heart. rip

 

[SBMech]

Tell your favorite story about him, a funny one.

Then let everyone know how much he meant to you, and how much you will miss him. Cry if you will, I am not afraid of crying in public, fuck anyone who tries to shame you for it being not "manly"...honestly I get wet eyes watching movies lol....patriotic scenes always get me going.

Humans need to express emotions, let that shit out.

 

[Taboma]

Vic, don't force it, give yourself time to mourn, then relax and browse through your memories of your friendship and time shared.
Make notes, then use those notes to tell your story of your friend.

 

[BHC Vic]

Vic, don't force it, give yourself time to mourn, then relax and browse through your memories of your friendship and time shared.
Make notes, then use those notes to tell your story of your friend.

That’s exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want to force it, I don’t even want it to sound scripted. I just want to talk about my friend

 

[Singleton]

Start writing down memories that make you smile or proud of your friend (RIP).
Then a couple days before, pick those stories you like the most and share them.

 

[2Driver]

Awesome you are stepping up.

 

[BHC Vic]

Thanks guys. I wanted to make sure I was on the right track. I’m at the river this weekend trying to make sure I have my priorities in order. You guys know how much I work and it’s just like fuck what if tomorrow is my last day. I keep saying one more year, one more year, and I’ll slow down, but what if I don’t get there. Like I said I’m all over the place. I’m not going to do a lot of traveling this year. I already sat down with the boss and let him know. I think they think I just need some time and I’ll change my mind but I really need to start putting my family first.

 

[nowski]

Write your favorite memories and stories down on a note pad. Rehearse your speech out loud at home and practice practice practice. When the moment arrives to remember your co-worker it will all flow naturally...

 

[Taboma]

That’s exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want to force it, I don’t even want it to sound scripted. I just want to talk about my friend

Then be patient, give yourself time to immerse in the initial sadness losing your friend.
You can't expect or force yourself to mourn his passing and celebrate his life, simultaneously. Process the loss, before you take that stroll down memory lane.

 

[BHC Vic]

It was Bryant’s first or second day on that site and like we all do he was trying to make an impression. Ugh I’m just bummed out damn it

 

[TeamGreene]

Thanks guys. I wanted to make sure I was on the right track. I’m at the river this weekend trying to make sure I have my priorities in order. You guys know how much I work and it’s just like fuck what if tomorrow is my last day. I keep saying one more year, one more year, and I’ll slow down, but what if I don’t get there. Like I said I’m all over the place. I’m not going to do a lot of traveling this year. I already sat down with the boss and let him know. I think they think I just need some time and I’ll change my mind but I really need to start putting my family first.

 

[East Wood]

Emotions are good. Don’t stress about that, just shows you have a heart and empathy. It speaks volumes that she asked you to say something.

 

[BHC Vic]

Thank you I needed that right now. Time to hit the lake with the boys

 

[Badchoices03]

Here is what I did one time when I was asked to do the same thing, I didn't write notes, didn't have a script, and just went up there and talked. The thing that seemed to work really well is, I shared a really cool short story about a time I remembered with him, and I asked everyone to close their eyes and think of their story of time with him, then after a brief pause I asked people to come up and share their story...there were a lot of laughs, a lot of tears, but it was great to hear those stories.

You know at the end of a lot of funeral services they ask if anyone would like to come up and say a few words, a lot of people don't know what to say so not many come up, but on this day there were quite a few people that came up to share their story...which was really cool.

 

[musicFunsun]

Lot of great suggestions, you’re lucky to have many friends here. I’m sure you’ll do great.

 

[Singleton]

Thanks guys. I wanted to make sure I was on the right track. I’m at the river this weekend trying to make sure I have my priorities in order. You guys know how much I work and it’s just like fuck what if tomorrow is my last day. I keep saying one more year, one more year, and I’ll slow down, but what if I don’t get there. Like I said I’m all over the place. I’m not going to do a lot of traveling this year. I already sat down with the boss and let him know. I think they think I just need some time and I’ll change my mind but I really need to start putting my family first.

As you age and get older this is the constant battle. Do what you think is best for YOUR family!

When my dad retired, his only regret was not spending time with his kids when they were younger. He said at his retirement dinner: “while I enjoyed my work, I have realized all the money can’t replace the time I lost with family!“

As a child of divorce, and 2 years before my dad retired, I made a huge change in in my career and it impacted the family travel budget. However it was replaced with memories money can purchase! We also found ways to save money and still travel (just not as often as we did and actually makes the trips more special).

 

[spectra3279]

That’s exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want to force it, I don’t even want it to sound scripted. I just want to talk about my friend

Then that's what you do. Tell them of some of the fond memories you had together.

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[samsah33]

Advice is what you already know but need to hear from others. You write from the heart on these pages so just be you, that's why you were invited.

 

[LHC Kirby]

A cool thing someone did at a recent Celebration of Life...... to prepare, he asked all the grandkids and Great grandkids to describe Grandpa.... wrote their responses and read them at the service.... not a dry eye in sight.

You could do the same with co-workers ? It really brings a personal touch. It makes your "story" about Bryant - too many of "those" speeches tend to go the way ...all about the speaker. It's not about you. Have notes, if it's just bullet points, awesome.... but written out is fine.

 

[Ziggy]

That’s exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want to force it, I don’t even want it to sound scripted. I just want to talk about my friend

First off. Sorry for your losses.
Jot down a few words, key notes, for yourself to trigger what you'll talk about unscripted. Let it flow naturally and you will show emotions without even trying.
.
Btw...every job will have have some sort of porta-potty story to share

 

[TeamGreene]

As you age and get older this is the constant battle. Do what you think is best for YOUR family!

When my dad retired, his only regret was not spending time with his kids when they were younger. He said at his retirement dinner: “while I enjoyed my work, I have realized all the money can’t replace the time I lost with family!“

As a child of divorce, and 2 years before my dad retired, I made a huge change in in my career and it impacted the family travel budget. However it was replaced with memories money can purchase! We also found ways to save money and still travel (just not as often as we did and actually makes the trips more special).

I had a conversation with our oldest when he got married and had his first child. I told him to never trade money for time with your kids. I did it way to often traveling for work when construction slowed down. That money is long gone and spent and so is the missed time spent with my family and only one is able to be replenished.

 

[wzuber]

Sorry for your loss Vic, may your friend rest in peace..
How long/we'll did you know him? Maybe Start there so others can grasp the level/quality of your relationship with him. Reflect on and share all the qualities that you respected and admired about the man. You could talk about how much he loved his wife and family. Maybe talk/share how he influenced you or others with a perspective, belief, values etc. That he portrayed. Talk of your fond memories of him. Allow yourself to be emotional and it will show your true respect for him. Funny stories are always a welcome relief at a very difficult, heavy emotional time for everyone. Take your time in the moment and share yourself with the group. You will do fine. Making notes and organizing your thoughts
Before hand will be helpful. That said it will go how it goes and you will be the only one to now different. MOst Everyone there will be relieved/grateful it's you up there and not them...lol. they will be pulling for you, supporting you with their hearts and tears. You've become a good strong man and leader through the years since I've come to know you here by you sharing of your life experiences here. The baby stroller recovery from the impound yard situation was about the beginning for me. Lol
Though we've never met, We share some similar qualities, choices, results, paths etc. Haha
Trust in yourself,, You will do very well.

 

[DILLIGAF]

Celebrate his life, rather than mourning his passing, thereby honoring him and at the same time, providing comfort to grieving others.

all good advice but this one is clear and to the point.

after you are done you are going to feel like it was all a blur.

condolences to you, friends and family.

RIP!

 

[highvoltagehands]

Sorry for your loss Vic. I know the feeling. After almost a decade of Zero deaths in outside Line, we’ve lost 5-6 guys in 2019 & again in 2020 and already 2 in 2021. It’s terrible. I was asked to speak at one guys celebration of life. I didn’t hang out with him, nor did I know him real well except from being on a few of the same jobs together and him being a good union brother, so I was nervous about what to say, so I wrote down some funny and great experiences I had with the guy and wrote a few more funny stories I’d heard about him also. Almost immediately after beginning to talk, the allergies kicked in, but I took a second pulled a handkerchief, blamed the allergies and then laughed about it along with everyone else. It was easy after that initial cry, the words just flowed, everyone was laughing throughout and man did i feel great afterwards. Just reminisce and you’ll be fine. Good luck. Hud.

 

[Your ad here]

It's going to be normal to feel nervous and have anxiety. First and only time I spoke at a funeral of a close friend I had this whole thing thought up of what I was going to say... Once I got up there things just went quiet and I froze and forgot what I had in mind. I just made it up as I went. Introduced myself and my relation to my friend, mentioned some fun appropriate times we had, how he was around others, and a smile that could always lift spirits. All stuff that's nice to hear and stuff that will make their parents proud, if thats the case.
Afterwards things may be a blur but you'll be fine as long as you presented yourself well and didn't say anything stupid. It's not easy and it may show in your body language but you're making an effort and it will be appreciated and the others know it's not easy. Just don't drag it out and make it about you. I've had to hear a few of those. One time after 10 minutes of someone yacking the microphone just shut off. My family isn't religious but my dad said that was God that shut that mic off. I agreed.

 

[Mike Honcho]

Very sorry for what you are going through and yes its very tough my best suggestion is to write something down explain who you are for those who may not know you and then elaborate on your friend and what he mean please include the funny story that does break the tension when you think yo have what you want to say let your wife read it and critique it as you may not be sensitive to his family and the last thing you want to do is offend anyone but basic run down that I have done is as follows:

Introduction of self
how I knew person
personal aspects family may not have know as what type of person he was at work
funny stories
how you will miss him and what he meant to you and others at work
Conclude.

Good luck you will do fine.

 

[4Waters]

Funny story is always good as that is how you remember him. I said a few words at a friend's dad's funeral, I told a couple of stories about him called him an asshole everyone was laughing their ass's off as they were a bunch of old school (60's) drag racers and gear heads, hell the Mac Tools guy was there and I said I guess his Snap-on tab was paid up Harvey about fell over (RIP), got several thanks for my words as they were fitting in every way,

You'll find the words Vic.

 

[Gelcoater]

That’s exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want to force it, I don’t even want it to sound scripted. I just want to talk about my friend

I think you should do exactly that.
Talk about your friend.

If you get emotional while doing that, it’s completely ok.
It will make the people who will miss him and love him the most emotional too. But it’s a sort of comfort for them, knowing someone hurts as much as they do about this.

So just talk about your friend.

 

[DLC]

Sorry for your loss!

you’ll do great! Give it some time you’ll come up with the right words! take some notes when a thought pops up.

He must of thought very highly of you, that in itself is fantastic !! Your molding the next generation and you being you has a lasting impact on your students.

 

[badgas]

So sorry for your loss. Just be you, She obviously asked you to speak because of your character. If a little humor feels good and will put a smile on someones face then do it with class. It is supposed to be hard and you should cry. There is nothing worth doing that is easy. Your friend was a good man so telling the truth about what kind of man he was will be easy. Just keep a few notes if it helps you stay focused.

I don't envy the spot but again it speaks to who you are that she asked you.

You got this !

RIP Bryant

 

[monkeyswrench]

I've done both the pre-written, the last minute...as asked by the child of who'd passed, and then for my own father. As much as I wanted to have his be "perfect", I couldn't bring myself to write more than a few words beforehand. Others said it was good...I can't remember it for the life of me.

Speak from the heart. The anxiety you face leading up to the event will subside once you start. You'll never fit an entire life into a brief speech. Mention key things that would be shared by everyone, manurisms he had, favorite sayings, etc. Remember that there will be people that may have only seen him as a family man, a son or cousin...there will also be your bretheren. All different views of the same man.

You'll do good. You'd do what you had to for guys on your crew. That's just the way it is.

 

[pronstar]

If you’re worried that you aren’t a good speaker, just own it from the beginning and go from there. It’ll help people connect with you. And it’ll put you at ease.

First introduce yourself, then state how you knew the deceased. Then go to
“You know, I’m not a very good public speaker, but (wife’s name) asked me to say a few words, so I’ve set my fears aside and I’m honored to do it…”

At the end of every few sentences, look up and make eye contact with folks at the left, center and/or right side of the room. Just so that you aren’t staring at a page and reading it…again, it’ll help folks connect with you.


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[Flying_Lavey]

I'm a fairly competent public speaker, I get that from my Dad. My dad asked my brothers and I at my Grandpa's service to say a couple words. I hadn't been emotional all day, until I stood up with that mic. I could not see a single face in the crowd through my blurry eyes. I didn't have anything rehearsed or prepared or anything. I had a ton of people tell me afterwards how heartfelt it was. That is really the key to a heartfelt speech of remembrance. Just say what you are thinking and feeling.

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[Tooms22]

Tell your favorite story about him, a funny one.

Then let everyone know how much he meant to you, and how much you will miss him. Cry if you will, I am not afraid of crying in public, fuck anyone who tries to shame you for it being not "manly"...honestly I get wet eyes watching movies lol....patriotic scenes always get me going.

Humans need to express emotions, let that shit out.

I agree with this but I still fight the hell out of crying in public. Must be the dude in me.

I'm always available to read over what you draft up. But at the same time, people don't care much about flow, structure, grammar, etc. in these instances. Either way, the offer still stands.

 

[CarolynandBob]

I haven't read all the responses so maybe it has already been said.

Yes a short funny story about him would be good. As far as getting emotional. A few tears are ok, but if you get to the point where you cannot speak then I would do what comedians or sit com actors do. They practice it so much that it isn't funny or emotional anymore. Yes it may seam a little scripted to you, but that is how I have gotten over having to talk about something emotional to a group.

 

[coolchange]

A beginning, a middle, and an end.
Start with the basics and expand on them.