Need some school help...

[Waterjunky]

Hello all;
Normally I don't post a ton of of truly personal information here (or any social media for that matter), but we are in trouble here and sincerely need some help. So here we go....

Last week, our first grade son was suspended from his private school for “choking” another student. Today we’ve been informed he is expelled.
He thought another student was in danger. The student wasn’t. In an attempt to try to move the student out of danger, he grabbed him by the back of his sweatshirt, knocking him down and pulled him. Obviously this isn’t good. When asked why he did it, he said he thought the other student wasn’t in a safe place, and that he didn’t think before he acted. The student was ‘choking’ when it happened, had red marks on his neck from the sweatshirt immediately after, but no injury beyond that. No visible marks were present the next day. He has had a couple of other behavioral situations recently where he hasn’t thought before he acted however they were all very minor by comparison.

The expulsion is based on him being disruptive and hurting other students. Being a private school, they can essentially do what ever they want, and we know that, but there is an additional issue. Our son has an ADHD diagnosis on file with the school and a modification plan in place to help address it. The modification plan has been in place since June. We requested a pretty extensive modification plan, and the school just bluntly refused it, offering to let him use a ‘recovery’ space when needed (that is already available for all students in the class) and sending unfinished schoolwork home which they then ignored until pushed repeatedly by us and have only been doing so the last couple of weeks. The school admits that the behavior is a result of his disability, but is claiming that they have made reasonable accommodations and anything else is unreasonable and requires a “fundamental alteration” of their service. We disagree, they have refused to review the modification plan with us and we firmly believe that there are modifications that can be made that will help him control his impulsivity (which is the root of the issue).

We know that the obvious question is do we want him in a school that doesn’t want or support him. The answer to that is complex. Our other school options are poor quality, which is why we had him there to begin with. In addition we are concerned over the ‘disenrollment’ letter they sent which basically pants him as a horribly violent and disrespectful child and removes all of the mitigating circumstances (he said the F-work in class, but they left out he was directly repeating what another student said). This will make it virtually impossible to enroll him in another school.

We believe we have an ADA challenge here based on his diagnosis, but aren’t sure and don’t know how to proceed. Does anyone have experience with this type of thing? Does anyone have contacts for both educational assistance and potentially legal challenges?

We are just stunned by all of this and have no path forward. This label is devastating to our child's education and potential future. My wife and I are just trying to identify where we are at and what we can do.... We are in over our heads on this and know it. Hoping for a little of the RDP magic we have all seen, given, and sometimes received.

Thank you for just hearing me out if nothing else.

CL

 

[paradise]

I feel your pain and sympathize and it is certainly tough especially when we feel our child is getting the short end of the stick. However I don't think an ADA lawsuit is the right move. There are no other schools in your general area (may not be the closest) that will work with you?

I think you're going to need to find a school that wants to help. Trying to 'force' the school he's at to fit your needs (especially in the private school world is going to be a lose/lose/lose in my opinion.

Have you looked into charter schools and/or religious schools?

 

[Bear Down]

I'm really sorry for your struggles.. hard to read this and not feel for you. No advise or direction . Just a prayer for your child and family.
We have a close friend that has a pretty similar story. Somewhat heavily medicated little girl (9) and challenges at school. We Somewhat saw the story develop as she was growing up and is sad. Many blessings to you all

 

[C_J_J_C]

If it is a true private school, zero public funding, then they have the same rights as a business when it comes to employees. "At-will" standard. A close friend went through this with Mater Dei High School recently. They tried to hire an attorney but were told by multiple attorneys as long as the school didn't say they were expelling her because of a disability or protected reason they have the right to expell for any reason or even no reason at all. Sorry.

 

[Waterjunky]

We are not trying to get him back into the school. We are simply trying to cleanup the crazy they exaggerated in his record, add in the stuff they intentionally left out and correct the half truths. This would go a long way to getting him in somewhere else. As it stands, it looks like he belongs in Juvenile hall instead of first grade. This was intentional as it justifies their position to throw him out. It is outright dishonest of them and is devastating to the family an child.

 

[paradise]

We are not trying to get him back into the school. We are simply trying to cleanup the crazy they exaggerated in his record, add in the stuff they intentionally left out and correct the half truths. This would go a long way to getting him in somewhere else. As it stands, it looks like he belongs in Juvenile hall instead of first grade. This was intentional as it justifies their position to throw him out. It is outright dishonest of them and is devastating to the family an child.

No idea on this, but are you required to show that info at a new school?

Seems like a calm, level headed email laying out your position to the principal would be best. Probably easiest to explain you understand their position, agree to leave (on whatever terms they require) but would like to know if they would 'reconsider' some information on the report. Chances are the principal is getting the information second or third hand (as are you) so perhaps cooler heads can prevail to leave out certain items that may or may not be 100% accurate?

 

[Waterjunky]

As soon as the ADHD diagnosis was brought up, the principal has been aggressively after him. Unfortunately, with the nature of the issue and them ignoring all professional recommendations, he has now handed her the leverage to do this. We have already tried to point out many of these issues, it was all ignored. The principle is in the drivers seat on this and she knows it. After some research, it appears the school is well known for this type of thing. They were found guilty of this on the east coast a few years ago. The parents were not the drivers, the feds actually were the drivers on it then. It looks like they are up to their old tricks again.

 

[LhcBrad]

We are not trying to get him back into the school. We are simply trying to cleanup the crazy they exaggerated in his record, add in the stuff they intentionally left out and correct the half truths. This would go a long way to getting him in somewhere else. As it stands, it looks like he belongs in Juvenile hall instead of first grade. This was intentional as it justifies their position to throw him out. It is outright dishonest of them and is devastating to the family an child.

First of all your son does not belong in Juvenile Hall. My son has issues, I wont go into detail but he no longer goes to a public school. He had a one on one aid at the public school and when the mask mandate went into effect we pulled him from school. He did not need another reason to be disciplined when he didnt wear a mask. He now is going to the place where his one on one aid came from. Lets just call it a behavior school where he learns behavior first and than academics. He has excelled beyond our expectations and his behavior has improved a lot. Dont ever give up on your son with the correct help he will be just fine. The tricky part will be finding the correct help. I hope your not in California because thats the very worst place for a child who needs a little bit of help. We moved away from there and its the best thing we ever did for him. If you dont have a therapist get one and ask them what options you have. I hope you can resolve this...

 

[HALLETT BOY]

Yea , I was thinking a GOOD therapist might be a step in the right direction .

 

[cakemoto]

Don't know if it will help but my wife is child therapist and does cps work.pm me if your interested I'll give you the number.maybe she can help out.

 

[Melloyellovector]

Private school are not required by law to hire someone for what would be considered special needs student.
Went through same thing with my youngest. Ex wife insisted he had to go to private school like his siblings.
Similar situations, last one when they booted him was he punched his best friend in the face. Didn’t help that his best friend was the only black student in the entire school. 30 mins before he did it, they were playing soccer in a group. At some point my son ended up on the ground. While he was on the ground a group of students decided hey let’s kick the shit out of him ( body and head ) Well his best friend was one of the kickers, just going along with the crowd. So after he recovered his “friend“ approached him. My son clocked his ass square in the nose. Can‘t point out every student that was kicking him but for sure knew his BFF was one of them. Easier to boot the white kid with needs, versus the one black kid that would put them in lawsuit.

teachers observed and broke up when my son was being kicked and beat. But no official record before he clocked the little fucker.

My son had modified sch with school, and extra observer for breaks etc. but nope they flipped it like he was the problem.

We switched to public school, that was a struggle to get right for him. But they have the resources and they have no choice but to hire if they have to. He ended up getting most classes at school, 2 classes at home ( school sent teacher to house ) she also gave additional help tutoring w homework and speech.
It was the absolute best thing for him. And once first year was down it was easy selling for the most part.

By the time he hit high school, he was taken off all help and switched to regular classes (he ended up in AP classes)

If you have a special needs child, unless a private school is set up w resources to deal with it. Your better off in public schools. Don’t focus on the schools state grading etc. focus on the resources they will give your child to flourish.

 

[coolchange]

Had this Discussion with a friend who’s kid was trouble some in school that he was being done a disservice by being in a private school. My son is/was adhd, more ad, and being in public school they HAD to provide for him. Don’t know the public schools in your area though. Private schools don’t have, or want to deal with special circumstances.
It seems insurmountable now, but trust me it will all work out.

 

[azsunfun]

No idea on this, but are you required to show that info at a new school?

Seems like a calm, level headed email laying out your position to the principal would be best. Probably easiest to explain you understand their position, agree to leave (on whatever terms they require) but would like to know if they would 'reconsider' some information on the report. Chances are the principal is getting the information second or third hand (as are you) so perhaps cooler heads can prevail to leave out certain items that may or may not be 100% accurate?

i have pulled a child from high school and closed all records transfer from that school, put it in writing you want all records and put them on notice, trying times hold the line, we will get through the maddness, surprised no rittelin or other drugs recommended!

 

[Flying_Lavey]

My kids go to a highly rated charter school system that has a couple locations here in Tucson. The way the school is ran from the top down is BEYOND a joke. They don't notify parents when they are required to (kid going to the nurse, kid going to the office because they forgot their lunch, the "nurse" putting soap and water on a Q-tip and handing it to a 5 year old to clean out their ears when the kids has VISIBLE tunes in her ears and it is on school record she has them), absolute lack of communication from most teachers when a child is struggling (kids are 7 and 5), etc. My wife gets passed and I can see she is starting to think about pulling them but I just remind her we only have 2 weeks left until we move, let them finish out the time there.

To echo what other posts have said though, they don't have the resources to help kids with any sort of behavioral or learning disability. Public schools have special education classes with a large amount of staff for a reason. They are better suited for it and better funded for it than private or even charter schools.

 

[angiebaby]

I have no advice for your current situation with the school, but Jeff has ADD and found this book helpful. He suggests all parents of children and adults with the condition read it to learn how to best live with it. For some, it can be a strength.

https://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631

 

[Flying_Lavey]

I have no advice for your current situation with the school, but Jeff has ADD and found this book helpful. He suggests all parents of children and adults with the condition read it to learn how to best live with it. For some, it can be a strength.

https://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631

Thank you for the recommendation. My wife has ADHD and I think I may get this for both of us.

 

[Waterjunky]

Sorry for disappearing on this yesterday afternoon. As you can all tell, it is really a struggle in our household right now. We are all in a dark place. I appreciate all the feedback and my wife and I are tracking this carefully. We are also doing additional homework on all of this. As odd as this sounds, one of the difficult pieces of this is that it is actually fairly mild, enough to be an issue that needs attention but mild enough that most people, even after being around him some, don't realize it. If you are trying to do something formal like a class and are paying any attention it becomes apparent.
We are currently looking into both a local charter school and a Catholic school. We are trying to reach out to both but obviously there are challenges to that this week with the holidays. When we entered him into his previous school (Merryhill - Spring Group) it was pre-diagnosis, and we were focused on academics. In particular a school that favored STEM. At this point we are strictly focusing on a behavior and support function. If we can get this fully under control, my wife and I can supplement the education component. We can also look at school options in a few years after he develops some tools to manage himself and his impulsivity.

I am hoping that with this being mild, we can work with some specialists both in school and potentially privately to "get over this hump". At that point we will refocus on actual academics. The kid is extremely intelligent, its about handling himself in a way that he can use it. I went through a similar challenge at his age and didn't get a real handle on it until college. I also had no support with it and just some dumb luck to get it together to become a functional person (wife and friends might disagree with any statements related to normal so lets just stay with functional....). I barely graduated high school and ended up with an advanced degree in a hard science from a top university. I need to figure out how to get him the tools to move to the far side of this.

Okay, enough rambling....