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Food In Havasu - Dave's opinions

Cobalt232

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I like Loco's also it's right around the corner from my buddies house so we go every time I'm at their place.
We went to Locos for the first time last week. Our truck is on autopilot to El Parisio and when we got there last week, we saw the old location was closed and we knew the new location was not open yet. So, after checking Cha Bones (packed), we remembered Locos. It was really good. I had a skinny marg that wasn't the best though.
We also tried Shogun for the first time. We sat at the grill and it was very good as well. Met some nice people next to us. It was also prom, so lots of dressed up kids in there too.
 

shintoooo

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China Buffet - Lake Havasu City AZ

So you ever do something that you know is stupid.. but you talk yourself into it anyways?

So we leave the house in search of a prime rib, some raw horse radish, baked potato, maybe some salad.. I'm starving and even put on the "stretchy" pants because I plan on filling up, big time.. And much like an RDP thread, we changed the course before we left the driveway.

So Stacy's googling and doing the yelp reviews and we are driving down mcculloch.. My stomach is churning and I'm getting hungry, when she finds some good reviews on this golden something or another buffet.. It should be noted this is not where we ate, but it did in fact plant the seed of "buffet."

We get down to the london bridge area and I pull into the China Buffet.. Now I know what your thinking. Dave a chinese buffet in Havasu? Really?

Stacy is sitting there saying "fuck that" and I tell her, "c'mon now Stacy.. I didn't eat at the chinese place in Parker for 30 years because of thinking like that and we just recently found out in the last 2 years it's really good."

That and I'm thinking well Havasu is about 20 years behind CA in most everything so I'm thinking back of the old chinese buffet's back in the day that used to be awesome.. So maybe this will be a throw back to one of those? So I sell her, or more to the point I sell myself on the idea and we go in.

I'm telling Stacy I got the stretchy pants on and she's gonna have to roll me out of this joint. All you can eat eggrolls? sweet and sour Pork!! R U kidding me?

So we sit down order drinks, and I make my way to the booofffaayyy.. 1st buffet is looking a little rough.. but fuck it. Load up plate # 1 and drop it off. STacy goes to stand up and I say "no no... I'll be back" and load up plate # 2. She goes to get herself some food and I probably look like Charlie Sheen with an unlimited supply of coke in front of him. Face just burried in the plate..

Eggroll's suck.. That's alright just dip it in some of this red shit and it's better. Then dip it in this hot mustard and alternate. Next fried mystery meat.. Fuck it, just dip it in the same shit. I clear plate # 1 when she rolls back, and am on Plate # 2. She takes a couple bites and is like "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" I tell her "don't worry about it just dip it in that shit, it'll taste better.. we're here now"

So I get about 1/2 way through plate #2 and I gotta admit some of this stuff is literally mystery meat. It said "chicken" but then you find a shrimp tail in there.. Non stop, this is the epitome of the buffet in the movie Vegas Vacation. I can't take it anymore this sux.. I mean it fucking sux.. Stacy is choking this shit down and not thrilled. I say to myself "it's impossible to fuck up chinese soup." I'll go get some of that and we are outta here..

The hot and sour looked rough.. The egg flower everyone had scooped all the guts out of it so it was just broth.. Which brings me to Egg drop soup. Pretty sure I've had this shit somewhere else and liked it so we'll try that. This stuff has the consistency of 30WT. It is literally yellow oil with butter and some white shit in it. I should've known better.

I get about 1/2 way through this oily mess and I'm thinking of all the industrial lubricating applications you could use this for.. Gear Oil's, way lube for machining.. All the while never imagining what comes next with this "Slick 50" concoction.. You'd think you would at least make it home.

I'm kinda bitter so I go outside to have a cigarette while we are waiting for this slow ass fucking waiter to bring us the check so we can get out of here never to return.. Or so I thought?

The phone rings.. I don't even want to put the guys name in this review because I'd hate to associate him with the negative connotation of what happens next.. Let's just say we're talking about Dessert Storm and some of it's intricacies, when all of a sudden... "I'm gonna have to call you back Jim!" My face goes pale, the sweat begins to bead on my forehead and we have seconds, not minutes.. I open the door to this place that I swore I'd never step foot into again.. Quick scan and off to the right I see "womens" there's gotta be a mens back there somewhere..

As I sprint past the cashier and make a right all I can think is.. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I hope there is nobody in there, because we are at Defcon 2 right now!!!" I kick open the door to the stall hard enough that even if there was somebody in there it would have broken the lock...

Now before I go any further I want you pudwhackers to know I'm swallowing a lot of dignity right now not only for your entertainment, but because I feel the general health warning not to eat at this fucking place is that important.

I RUN to the back of the stall, and good thing I got my jimmy shoes because I'd likely end up with another broken arm wearing flips.. I hit that toilet at full speed and.... I MADE IT!! Or so I thought.. As I slid on in, not even worrying about personal hygene at this point, the toilet seat moves as if it was sitting on a block of ice or perhaps on a cushion of that slick 50 soup I had earlier.. not sure which is slicker.

RELEASE THE HOUNDS!! There are explosions happening beneath me, the god damn seat is sliding around and I'm feeling like that cartoon monkey on the banana peel. Left! Right!! LEFT!!! OOOOHHH SHIT!! Off we go.

The only real justice to come out of all this is when I landed on my side along with the thud I heard a "SPLAT" on the wall behind me. So here I lie on the floor of the bathroom... In a chinese buffet no less wondering how many diseases I just caught that we don't even have names for in the states. So this is what the "low point" feels like.

I'm spooling the 80 grit out as fast as it will go, and I ponder if that eggdrop/slick 50 soup would cure the squeaky toilet paper roll holder. I'm sure it would. Somehow someway I managed to make it through this nightmare "somewhat" unscathed.. I'm cleaning up as best I can and Stacy is texting me "Where R U?" I'm trying to text her back, but I got bigger issues so the conversation is short.. She is laughing her ass off (for now...) in the booth at my misfortune, with the I told you so's..

I look at this scene and realize, this isn't a job for toilet paper.. They are gonna need some industrial shit to clean this up. Point in fact might just want to burn this part of the building down, so I roll out of there, calm and collected like nothing happened. Grab the wife and baby and we begin our journey home. (Oh no it's not over yet.. We are gonna sacrifice some of the wife's dignity here too)

We are in the car and she is laughing hysterically and what just transpired. We make it to the edge of the parking lot and all of a sudden "The Look." Who's laughing now? She starts gagging, and it's pretty self evident she's gonna puke. In between her laughing and gagging she's motioning for me to pull over.. Which I do 3 more times.. Now there are tears.

She's gagging and saying "I'm gonna pee if I throw up." We pull over several times and she's kinda coughing up some shit that might be some of that mystery meat I dunno, but not really throwing up. We make it all the way to the driveway and she's scrambling, but eventually succumbs as well.

Grabs one of Baby Sierra's sweatshirts and proceeds to puke in it, and much to my satisfaction for laughing at me the whole time, pee'd herself..


So here's what I would say.. Don't eat at the China Buffet by the London Bridge.. Unless you have some guests you really don't like. If you don't like them, let em fill up on dog meat, then suggest some 30wt, better known as Egg Drop Soup. When they are done go next door to Del Taco and you'll be better off.

After the shower, I literally felt like something Toxic was still inside me and I had to sleep it off for a couple of hours. Which was the reason for the delay.

Long story short I didn't shit myself.. but I spackled.. scratch that painted there bathroom, and that my friends is justice.

RD

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
 

Rajobigguy

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It never gets old. I am literally in tears and I have probably read that story 10 times over the years.
Yep every once in a while this resurfaces and always good for a laugh.
 

RiverDave

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So I’m out in surprise AZ right now and figured we’d test a spot or 2..

Yesterday’s craving (weirdly in the am) was straight up burrito shop.. simply because we don’t have one in Havasu that that’s worth a shit. I give you “master taco”

This thing came out like a fish story. Except there is no reason to exaggerate the size of it.. I wish I had my stretchy pants on.. 😳

Pollo asada just the way I like it.. that tortilla that is flaky and crispy on the outside but chewy when you get to the inside.. god dammit why can’t we have this in havasu?

IMG_0147.jpeg
 

Ziggy

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Rotary on the southside is a great place for a bite. Good food. There will be a breakfast and lunch place going in where El Parasio was, called the broken yoke I believe.
Broken Yoke is a chain, we have a few here in San Diego Co.
Unless it's been an anomaly at the few I've been to, their pancakes are as tasteless as cardboard.😝🤮
 

NicPaus

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I still can't get over Miracle Whip on tacos. It is hard to take your reviews seriously.
Have to factor in how long he has been in Havasu now also. Good food there is a 7 here.
 

RiverDave

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I still can't get over Miracle Whip on tacos. It is hard to take your reviews seriously.

Either you like MW or ya don’t.. if ya like it then it goes well on white girl tacos..

I wouldn’t put it on a taco from a taco shop.

As for seriously? This is all just for entertainment and maybe help some people try to find decent food when you are in Havi.

RD
 

NicPaus

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If you have ever read my reviews I have always said there isn’t any place in havasu that would survive in north county California. It’s just a different quality across the board.

RD
Yep.
Like my Friends that grew up in Parker referring to good food. They loved Mayas. El Pollo Loco here is 10 times better.

I am at pick up Stix now. Grabbing lunch. So many good options here.
 

RiverDave

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So since we were in surprise for a surgery I figured I’d check out “Bonfire”. For those that don’t know this is the restaurant that won the contract to be in the riviera in Lake Havasu. The original location is in Surprise a second location in Tempe and they are breaking ground soon in the riviera to open either late 2026 possibly early 2027??

I had to take it to go because Stacy was back at the hotel room recovering.

BBQ joint with a great bar atmosphere.. Really reminded me of Wobbly Boots in LOTO actually but wobbly has a little more personalized bbq and apps etc..

What surprised me the most was the price points on the menu. Full BBQ combo plates for 17-20 bucks.. everything was priced very competitively.. to the point where literally eating at Taco Bell / McDobalds would be comparable in terms of price.. which shows how out of control fast food has gotten over the last few years.

They had a full bar with plenty of local craft beers etc.. I had a couple Coronas while waiting. Staff was hustling and happy which is a good sign and we’re eager to talk about the newest location coming up.

The food is quality and typical of a nice neighborhood BBQ joint.. they also have pizza on the menu.. we tried a little bit of everything.. honestly as cheap as it is why not?

Everything was very good!!

You can see the menu here


I was hoping for a high end steak house in riviera, but honestly I think this is going to fit in well. The bar Atmosphere and the food is quality.. I could see myself hanging out down by the marinas throwing back drinks in here.
IMG_0149.jpeg
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IMG_0165.jpeg


IMG_0149.jpeg
IMG_0150.jpeg
IMG_0164.jpeg
IMG_0165.jpeg
 

Boatymcboatface

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Broken Yoke is a chain, we have a few here in San Diego Co.
Unless it's been an anomaly at the few I've been to, their pancakes are as tasteless as cardboard.😝🤮
The OG one in pacific beach was bomb back in the day!
 

RiverDave

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Ok now this is what I’m talking about right here.. this is the kinda shit that makes me giddy..

When you walk through the door and your spying plates and you say to yourself “ddaaaammnnn. That looks good!” Then spot the next one over and you gasp.. it’s like that chick coming down the stairs in highschool on prom night.. you know her, but ya never seen her like that. Takes your breath away both figuratively and literally.

I belly up to the bar at basically what equates to being Charlie at the chocolate factory.. However we use technology for our guaranteed golden tickets.

As much as I despise yelp.. it’s basically a digital online extortion platform in my mind, no different than the mob. Even the mob had and has its pluses.

The golden rule 4.5* + and over a hundred reviews almost guarantees you a Willy Wonka experience in my opinion, and “OVER EASY” Is about to be one.

The waitress comes over and instantly goes into the cocktail menu. Before the words can even come out that I’m not drinking this morning, she has given me a list of her personal favorites and some of their twists on common originals that make them a little more special here.

It’s a damn fine sales pitch and unfortunately one I have to ignore.. but none the less the tone has been set, she’s excited to be here and she’s indeed proud of their products.

This is where the fork in the road happens, it isn’t just a job for them, it’s a multifaceted cultural and culinary experience and she isn’t a waitress she’s your tour guide.

By now two other ladies have sat next to me and they caught the tail end of the cocktail speech, they absolutely signed up.

I asked her if these three items which would you choose? No quick answer was given. Instead an in depth description of each and not why one would be better than the other but rather what experience are you looking for this morning and do you want to walk or waddle out of here?

As you guys know I’m always going for the waddle.. damn I wish I had my stretchy pants on..

I’ll try the chicken fried steak thank you. No sooner do I get those words out the two attractive ladies to my left are now crossing the home plate on their first round, one opts to try yet another delicious experience, while the other continues her journey to utopia.. both singing the praises of the first round.

I should note my iced tea was no slouch either. I’m a big iced tea guy and when a restaurant takes the time to have a quality tea it’s bonus points for me.

My feast has arrived..

IMG_0170.jpeg


At first glance a slight bit of panic. Has my surreal experience just hit a bit of reality? Did I get the wrong plate?

No chance not in this place..

Peek a Boo.. there you are my precious..

IMG_0171.jpeg


They cleverly hid it under the eggs so that each part of the meal gives you another surprise over the last.

I have eaten a lot of chicken fried steak in my years, this one has a different flavor to it. I always prefer a heavy sausage gravy and it is noticeably “not sausage”??

It has time kinda herb flavor to it, my pallet slightly confused at first, but then confidently certain.. It’s in the top 3 I have ever had, bar none.

As I’m indulging my neighbors food shows up, and my only thought was.. did I make a mistake? Did they get something better? It smells delicious. I am rewound to my initial thoughts that I don’t believe it could be better, just a different experience.

Over Easy / Surprise AZ - 4.7 on my breakfast scale.. I should note I got there at the right time because when I was leaving there was 20+ Oompa Loompas looking to get into the magical factory of food. Had I had to wait I’m not sure the experience would have been as magical.

I wish we could have e this where I live.. for the love of god why do liberals make the best food? My only guess is it’s the same reason why Babies and baby animals are cute.


RD
 

HTTP404

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Ok now this is what I’m talking about right here.. this is the kinda shit that makes me giddy..

When you walk through the door and your spying plates and you say to yourself “ddaaaammnnn. That looks good!” Then spot the next one over and you gasp.. it’s like that chick coming down the stairs in highschool on prom night.. you know her, but ya never seen her like that. Takes your breath away both figuratively and literally.

I belly up to the bar at basically what equates to being Charlie at the chocolate factory.. However we use technology for our guaranteed golden tickets.

As much as I despise yelp.. it’s basically a digital online extortion platform in my mind, no different than the mob. Even the mob had and has its pluses.

The golden rule 4.5* + and over a hundred reviews almost guarantees you a Willy Wonka experience in my opinion, and “OVER EASY” Is about to be one.

The waitress comes over and instantly goes into the cocktail menu. Before the words can even come out that I’m not drinking this morning, she has given me a list of her personal favorites and some of their twists on common originals that make them a little more special here.

It’s a damn fine sales pitch and unfortunately one I have to ignore.. but none the less the tone has been set, she’s excited to be here and she’s indeed proud of their products.

This is where the fork in the road happens, it isn’t just a job for them, it’s a multifaceted cultural and culinary experience and she isn’t a waitress she’s your tour guide.

By now two other ladies have sat next to me and they caught the tail end of the cocktail speech, they absolutely signed up.

I asked her if these three items which would you choose? No quick answer was given. Instead an in depth description of each and not why one would be better than the other but rather what experience are you looking for this morning and do you want to walk or waddle out of here?

As you guys know I’m always going for the waddle.. damn I wish I had my stretchy pants on..

I’ll try the chicken fried steak thank you. No sooner do I get those words out the two attractive ladies to my left are now crossing the home plate on their first round, one opts to try yet another delicious experience, while the other continues her journey to utopia.. both singing the praises of the first round.

I should note my iced tea was no slouch either. I’m a big iced tea guy and when a restaurant takes the time to have a quality tea it’s bonus points for me.

My feast has arrived..

View attachment 1505466

At first glance a slight bit of panic. Has my surreal experience just hit a bit of reality? Did I get the wrong plate?

No chance not in this place..

Peek a Boo.. there you are my precious..

View attachment 1505467

They cleverly hid it under the eggs so that each part of the meal gives you another surprise over the last.

I have eaten a lot of chicken fried steak in my years, this one has a different flavor to it. I always prefer a heavy sausage gravy and it is noticeably “not sausage”??

It has time kinda herb flavor to it, my pallet slightly confused at first, but then confidently certain.. It’s in the top 3 I have ever had, bar none.

As I’m indulging my neighbors food shows up, and my only thought was.. did I make a mistake? Did they get something better? It smells delicious. I am rewound to my initial thoughts that I don’t believe it could be better, just a different experience.

Over Easy / Surprise AZ - 4.7 on my breakfast scale.. I should note I got there at the right time because when I was leaving there was 20+ Oompa Loompas looking to get into the magical factory of food. Had I had to wait I’m not sure the experience would have been as magical.

I wish we could have e this where I live.. for the love of god why do liberals make the best food? My only guess is it’s the same reason why Babies and baby animals are cute.


RD
Good write up. You should start a web site or something.
 

RiverDave

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River Island Market / The rooster / back way to the desert bar..

I’m not sure if you guys are aware but this is one of Parker’s hidden gems.

Their pizza is phenomenal and they are famous for the “wagon wheel” pizzas where you literally need an SUV to get it home because it usually won’t fit in the door openings of a standard car.

We aren’t here to talk about that though we are here to talk about out one of the only burgers out here that in my humble reigns supreme. Usually in n out is gonna be the upper end of your spectrum for a standard burger or you are gonna have to go to Hangar 24 where by which you are gonna be looking into credit scores and financing options..

There’s nothing to crazy about it just simple quality ingredients, but the game changer about it is that same “tangy” thousand island we all remember from the 80’s - 90’s.. I don’t know if they make it or buy it but I’m about ready to bribe an employee to find out..

IMG_0178.jpeg


Now here comes the turning point.. it ain’t all rainbows and lollipops..

Iced tea? Trash.. I mean god awful not even drinkable 0.0 score / trash. If you like iced tea you are better off going to the cooler and buying one of your choice.

Fries? Honestly not my favorite. I skip them every time, but some other friends like them so I can’t give it zeros.. but IMO trash..

Now we circle back to the solution. We all have that shitty food that ya just love! Sometimes it’s just a weird flavor not quality.. sometimes it’s addictive chemicals since RJ Reynolds got in the food game.. lol.

Look what I’m getting at is if we didn’t have those little Piccadilly’s restaurants like Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Burger King, Jack in the box etc wouldn’t be in business..

The two tacos a Jack in the box.. the Big Mac at Mickey d’s.. on and on.

Well I’m gonna take it way back to when I was a kid and suggest the taquitos with “green sauce” at the K Mart cafeterias and other select shitty locations in the 80’s.. that’s right it ain’t quac or even resembles it.. it’s just shitty taquitos with this green sauce and it is a childhood memory and fuckin yummy.

IMG_0177.jpeg


My advice skip the fries order these and take an aspirin or have a cardiologist on standby! Totally worth it if you die though..

And haters? Don’t care I’d take an order of these taquitos with green sauce over your happiness in life.

RD
 

HTTP404

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River Island Market / The rooster / back way to the desert bar..

I’m not sure if you guys are aware but this is one of Parker’s hidden gems.

Their pizza is phenomenal and they are famous for the “wagon wheel” pizzas where you literally need an SUV to get it home because it usually won’t fit in the door openings of a standard car.

We aren’t here to talk about that though we are here to talk about out one of the only burgers out here that in my humble reigns supreme. Usually in n out is gonna be the upper end of your spectrum for a standard burger or you are gonna have to go to Hangar 24 where by which you are gonna be looking into credit scores and financing options..

There’s nothing to crazy about it just simple quality ingredients, but the game changer about it is that same “tangy” thousand island we all remember from the 80’s - 90’s.. I don’t know if they make it or buy it but I’m about ready to bribe an employee to find out..

View attachment 1505482

Now here comes the turning point.. it ain’t all rainbows and lollipops..

Iced tea? Trash.. I mean god awful not even drinkable 0.0 score / trash. If you like iced tea you are better off going to the cooler and buying one of your choice.

Fries? Honestly not my favorite. I skip them every time, but some other friends like them so I can’t give it zeros.. but IMO trash..

Now we circle back to the solution. We all have that shitty food that ya just love! Sometimes it’s just a weird flavor not quality.. sometimes it’s addictive chemicals since RJ Reynolds got in the food game.. lol.

Look what I’m getting at is if we didn’t have those little Piccadilly’s restaurants like Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Burger King, Jack in the box etc wouldn’t be in business..

The two tacos a Jack in the box.. the Big Mac at Mickey d’s.. on and on.

Well I’m gonna take it way back to when I was a kid and suggest the taquitos with “green sauce” at the K Mart cafeterias and other select shitty locations in the 80’s.. that’s right it ain’t quac or even resembles it.. it’s just shitty taquitos with this green sauce and it is a childhood memory and fuckin yummy.

View attachment 1505486

My advice skip the fries order these and take an aspirin or have a cardiologist on standby! Totally worth it if you die though..

And haters? Don’t care I’d take an order of these taquitos with green sauce over your happiness in life.

RD
LOL. I also have childhood memories of those janky taquitos and "green sauce". Must have been the standard issue product back in the day. I actually like that "green sauce".
 

Outdrive1

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Ok now this is what I’m talking about right here.. this is the kinda shit that makes me giddy..

When you walk through the door and your spying plates and you say to yourself “ddaaaammnnn. That looks good!” Then spot the next one over and you gasp.. it’s like that chick coming down the stairs in highschool on prom night.. you know her, but ya never seen her like that. Takes your breath away both figuratively and literally.

I belly up to the bar at basically what equates to being Charlie at the chocolate factory.. However we use technology for our guaranteed golden tickets.

As much as I despise yelp.. it’s basically a digital online extortion platform in my mind, no different than the mob. Even the mob had and has its pluses.

The golden rule 4.5* + and over a hundred reviews almost guarantees you a Willy Wonka experience in my opinion, and “OVER EASY” Is about to be one.

The waitress comes over and instantly goes into the cocktail menu. Before the words can even come out that I’m not drinking this morning, she has given me a list of her personal favorites and some of their twists on common originals that make them a little more special here.

It’s a damn fine sales pitch and unfortunately one I have to ignore.. but none the less the tone has been set, she’s excited to be here and she’s indeed proud of their products.

This is where the fork in the road happens, it isn’t just a job for them, it’s a multifaceted cultural and culinary experience and she isn’t a waitress she’s your tour guide.

By now two other ladies have sat next to me and they caught the tail end of the cocktail speech, they absolutely signed up.

I asked her if these three items which would you choose? No quick answer was given. Instead an in depth description of each and not why one would be better than the other but rather what experience are you looking for this morning and do you want to walk or waddle out of here?

As you guys know I’m always going for the waddle.. damn I wish I had my stretchy pants on..

I’ll try the chicken fried steak thank you. No sooner do I get those words out the two attractive ladies to my left are now crossing the home plate on their first round, one opts to try yet another delicious experience, while the other continues her journey to utopia.. both singing the praises of the first round.

I should note my iced tea was no slouch either. I’m a big iced tea guy and when a restaurant takes the time to have a quality tea it’s bonus points for me.

My feast has arrived..

View attachment 1505466

At first glance a slight bit of panic. Has my surreal experience just hit a bit of reality? Did I get the wrong plate?

No chance not in this place..

Peek a Boo.. there you are my precious..

View attachment 1505467

They cleverly hid it under the eggs so that each part of the meal gives you another surprise over the last.

I have eaten a lot of chicken fried steak in my years, this one has a different flavor to it. I always prefer a heavy sausage gravy and it is noticeably “not sausage”??

It has time kinda herb flavor to it, my pallet slightly confused at first, but then confidently certain.. It’s in the top 3 I have ever had, bar none.

As I’m indulging my neighbors food shows up, and my only thought was.. did I make a mistake? Did they get something better? It smells delicious. I am rewound to my initial thoughts that I don’t believe it could be better, just a different experience.

Over Easy / Surprise AZ - 4.7 on my breakfast scale.. I should note I got there at the right time because when I was leaving there was 20+ Oompa Loompas looking to get into the magical factory of food. Had I had to wait I’m not sure the experience would have been as magical.

I wish we could have e this where I live.. for the love of god why do liberals make the best food? My only guess is it’s the same reason why Babies and baby animals are cute.


RD


If I ate that for breakfast, I wouldn’t eat the rest of the day, maybe a snack in the evening. 😳
 
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